Saturday, September 18, 2010

Making the right yet most difficult decision

Sad post ahead. Read at your own risk...

Last January my pregnant belly was just starting to really show, and with all the doctors appointments, nesting urges and with reality setting in I felt there was only one thing missing. One thing that could complete our family that was rapidly growing in size... and that was a puppy. I have always grown up with animals. There was never a time in my life (other than just getting married) that I didn't have a dog or two. To me a dog was the icing on the cake. A dog loves unconditionally, keeps you company, makes you feel safe and you can't help but smile when you see how happy they are just to be with you. Plus, I wanted little Maisie to have a playmate. I had this image of my daughter running around outside with dog in tow and giggling when he licked her face. So after some research, Scooter entered our family.

At first he was a little tough to train, but soon enough he got with the routine. We loved our little puppy. He was a perfect match, spunky and cuddly. Then March 2nd my doctor pulled me from work due to sciatic nerve issues. I wasn't on bed rest, but I might as well have been. There were days I couldn't move. Scooter was my constant companion through it all. Austin was working 11 hour days and without Scooter I would have been so lonely. Where ever I was he was right there beside me. As my belly grew I became more nervous about Scooter. He was our baby and how is going to react when Maisie (our real baby) was the center of attention? I knew he wouldn't be aggressive or anything like that, but would he feel neglected? Soon enough Maisie was home and in our arms and everything was a little hectic. Getting the hang of breastfeeding is hard enough, but while a dog is trying to play fetch or jump on your lap!? Forget about it! Scooter instantly knew his place, but I think he was determined to get attention and it didn't matter if it was good or bad.

The first couple weeks he would leave little "presents" for Maisie in her room. I was furious because naturally I am over protective when it comes to her and her space. They don't call it nesting if you are not in fact building a "nest" for your little one. I felt as though our "nest" had been invaded and frankly it felt unfair to little Maisie. After my anger subsided I then started to feel very sad for him. He was letting us know in the only way he could that he felt jipped. We then changed so many things to give him an adequate amount of attention, but soon Austin had to return to work full time and it became very difficult for me to balance motherhood for a my baby and my pet. Scooter naturally got the back burner again and once again he expressed any way he could that he was not as happy as he could be. Scooter is still a VERY happy dog, I just know its not fair for him. He deserves owners that can give him all the attention he needs/wants. Plus apartment life is not the ideal place for him. He needs a back yard. A place where he has his very own space. I took awhile for me to admit that. I would tell myself that soon enough we would have a place with a yard, but in all reality our lease isn't up until next June and who knows where we will be after that. Scooter needs better than that.

Austin and I spent weeks discussing options and it would all come down to keeping him and trying to make things work because we were too sad thinking about getting rid of him. I then realized that as much as we adore him and love having him apart of the family HE deserves better. Austin and I then made plans that if we found someone that we both knew and that we know would take great care of him, that would be the best option. Austin then posted a quick facebook post with a picture of Scoot and explaining that we might be finding him a new home. That day a family friend instantly expressed interest. I was so relieved at first because I knew that he would have a great family. There was no doubt in my mind that they would be a perfect match for him. Then as we had more and more conversations with them it became a much more serious idea that Scooter would be gone. After a week of debating on both sides, yesterday it was decided that Scooter would have a new family.

My heart is broken. I have been crying on and off the past two days now. There are just so many things running through my head. Like that I feel as though I have failed Scooter and that I'm so scared for him because Austin and I are the only things he knows. I know how much we are going to miss him and I can't help but think about all the life he has left and that we won't be there to see it through. He truly is a wonderful dog and even though this was a very hard decision to make after much prayer and thought we know it's the right one. We just want him to be the happiest he can be and it saddens me that we can't do that for him right now.

I can only do so much to keep my emotions at bay. I remind myself of all the good things that will come out of this. Like peace of mind. I know he will be getting enough attention and he will be happy. It might be a hard week on both him and us, but he will soon realize how good he has it with them and soon enough our sadness will ease. But right now I see my little Scooter and I can't help but think of how much I love him and that our home will feel empty without him. He has brought so much joy to our lives and I think it's only fair to do right by him and so tomorrow afternoon Scooter will have new parents. I am hoping with all the crying I am doing right now it won't be as bad tomorrow, but the truth is I will be miserable tomorrow. I have confirmation that this is definitely the right thing to do, but like in that expression, the right thing is not always the easiest.


  1. Sammie, I am so proud of you. You are now and always will be a wonderful parent. You did the right thing for Scooter. You put his welfare above your happiness and that is what you'll be doing for the rest of your life with Maisie and the kids to come. We did exactly the same thing when Jana was born only we had 2 precious dogs to find homes for. But just as he did for you, God provided the perfect home and family for Shannon and Molly. And they got to stay together. It is sad at first but believe me, you'll be ok and eventually you'll be so happy that you made the decision. And someday, when Maisie is about 8, you can be her hero and get her a puppy. It's a win/win :-)

  2. Sammie, I have to tell you that we have wanted a dog for awhile. I would go looking or go to the pound and browse, and they all needed homes but it just wasn't right. So I prayed about it, and asked for someone to have a young small sweet dog that would need a home -- and to let me know when it was time. My father always said, "When the Lord wants to bless you -- let Him!" So you are the instrument in answering a prayer, and we are letting the Lord bless us all. You can come visit him!