Friday, September 3, 2010

A Year Ago Today...

The wedding chaos was over and after a couple months Austin's German course at BYU was over and it was time to head back to Oregon. We packed all of our stuff for hopefully the last time for a long time and made our trip back home. After getting settled in at my in-laws until my work transfer went through, I noticed something was missing. That's right I was late that month. I am NEVER late. Austin tried to pass it off on the stress of the trip back or that the birth control had messed up my monthly schedule. I agreed with Austin and for a couple days I pushed the idea of pregnancy out of my head and continued to enjoy the rest of our summer. Austin and I would spend the days floating on our raft (Sunny II) at the Silverton reservoir. We were taking advantage of probably the last time for a while that we both were not working or in school. We were newly weds and life was sweet.

I had my interview set up for the next week in Beaverton and Austin and I wanted to get the feel for the areas we would want to live in. We spent the day checking out TONS of apartments in the Portland area. On the way home I couldn't get the pregnancy idea out of my head. Could it be possible? After nervously debating if I should tell Austin I wanted to stop to buy a test. I finally said "Austin um... I think we should buy a pregnancy test..." Austin I'm sure was secretly rolling his eyes, but he humored me. He knew I would stress out about it until I knew for sure and in turn he would stress out about me being stressed out. So we saw the local walmart and ran in to buy a test. I remember standing in the aisle filled with panty liners and various contraceptives and there sandwiched in the middle were the pregnancy tests. I was so overwhelmed. We were holding hands looking at all the options before us. We both agreed that we should probably get one that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant" (I.E fool proof). We bought two of them and headed home. I stuffed the walmart bag into my purse and ran down stairs to the bathroom. We both read the directions and decided to do the 'cup method'. Austin left the bathroom, I did my business and then opened the door. We dipped the stick and put in on the counter. It was blinking the word "working...working... working" Austin didn't look nervous, but i felt as though I would pass out. I saw that the "working" had changed and without knowing what it said I grabbed it and held it so tightly in my white knuckled fist. Austin convinced me to open my hand and sure enough the word that was starring right back at us was "PREGNANT". I started sobbing right away and to be honest it was not a happy cry. All I could mutter out was "It's not the right time. It's not the right time." I have always wanted to have kids, but we had only been married for 2 months and in that moment I felt jipped. I started thinking about "What if i don't get the job?! Where are we going to live?! We cant afford a baby. I don't even have health insurance!" Austin could see my world was spinning and he held my face looked me in the eyes and said " I love you and I have always wanted children with you. I know it feels like it's the wrong timing, but we can do this."

Later that night I remember laying on the bed with my hands around my belly. All I could think of was this little baby that was growing inside me. I was starting to feel much better and even though it wasn't our ideal time to get pregnant, it was happening. Austin and I spent the next couple weeks in shock. We were opposites when it came to emotions. When I was excited he was nervous and vis versa. I always liked that because someone was always there to remind the other what a blessing it truly was. After the initial shock wore of we were elated. I was eager to get my hands on every pregnancy book ever made. We made our OB appointment and there we heard the heart beat and honestly, that steady swooshing sound was one of the most incredible things I have ever heard. My mid-wife then did a quick ultrasound and for the first time we saw (what now is my precious Maisie) moving around in the womb and her little heart flicker. It was nothing short of amazing.

What a strange thought that a year ago I was pregnant. I now look at my baby girl kicking her feet in the air and chewing her fist and knowing that a year ago she was just an idea. I could have never imagined how wonderful she truly is. I of course thought that she would be incredible, but boy was that an understatement! It's been an amazing journey, pregnancy to now mother of a 3 1/2 month old. I can't even imagine this experience without Austin. He is my partner in life, a wonderful husband and father and a tremendous support in all things. I look at my little Maisie and it takes my breath away seeing what Austin and I have made.


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