Me and Mine

polar opposites- parenting two totally different kids

2012-02-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

Here is how our morning went.. I slept on the couch while Weston T dozed in the swing and Ryan watched a few episodes of Fresh Beat Band. He trashed the house and emptied half a pack of pampers wipes (I could care less they smell funny anyway) I couldnt sleep for the life of me last night. I went to bed at 4 and was up at 6:45. I was dead beat. Then I realized its wednesday! Time for West's weekly photo shoot so why not get everyone in the game. I am kind of obsessed with this new remote for my camera can you tell?

I was too tired to notice at the time but I totally left the hallway closet door open. Tacky!

SO anyway... these past 7 weeks have done so much for my mommy ego. I am doing a pretty darn good job after all. For so long, when we were struggling with Ryan in every aspect of the poor baby's life, I thought it was me. I was messing him up somehow- I was failing as a mother. Why was he so unhappy all the time? Why in the hells bells would he never sleep? I did everything I could yet I still thought that it had to be something I was doing wrong. Weston has proved to me that Ryan's struggles were his own, they had nothing to do with my lack of parenting magic. With my two kids I have done everything the same. They sleep in my bed if they want, nurse when they want and for as long as they want, we hold them whenever they cry, swaddled, music, bed time routine, all that jazz.

For Ryan it never worked. He still screamed all the time, he was still so unhappy.

For Weston is works. He sleeps great, he is content chillin on his own. He is happy.

This is totally a more accurate depiction of our photoshoot. I had to idea we were making the same face til I pulled these up on the computer. He is SO my kid.

So doing all the same stuff how are we getting two totally different results? I can only come to one conclusion nature vs nurture plays a big roll in our kids. Am I saying throw all the good parenting out the window because it doesnt matter? Heck no! But to the moms who have wonderful kids congrats to you. To the moms who struggle like I have in the past I hope that you are not ever judged as I felt I was. It isnt you. You are doing the best you can, give yourself a pat on the back. Every baby is different, this too shall pass. It will get easier I promise.

I have to say that 2.5 is the best age for Ryan so far. He is flourishing. He is speaking full sentences, he feels included, he can do things on his own. He can make compromised and be reasoned with to a degree. He is really happy! I am loving it, we have earned this happy time for sure.

Happy 7 weeks Weston T. You are loved!

thank you pinterest vol 2

2012-02-15T02:16:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things on pinterest is looking at all the cool printables/signs/wall art. So many great ideas- so its 2:09 am and for who knows what reason I am wide awake. What better to do than make up a few of my own. After all we are all supposed to be using and making the things we pin.. right?! ;)

These are screen shots of 2 prints I did. It took me only a few minutes each using Heritage Makers (I spent more time deciding on fonts than I did anything else) They will be printed out on heavy duty paper and mailed to me in about a week. Easy as pie.

actual size 11x14

going in the boys bathroom. they need reminders right?!

actual size 12x12

going on my gallery wall above our new couch :)

Lots coming up on the blog soon...

* how the great room is coming along

* parenting the same way and getting 2 different results. my kids are polar opposites

* how we spent our first valentines day as a family of 4

* so many random other things I can not think of at this time.

I will be away at a state gymnastics meet this weekend so things are crazy busy til I am done. Did you know I coach gymnastics? Well you do NOW! My girls rock. One of them even reads my blog and babysits my beautiful crazy kids. Shout out to Hay!

memoirs of a tired mama

2012-02-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

ryan: me watch fresh beat band!

me: no we dont watch dinner while we eat tv.

hubs: what did you say?!

me: we dont watch dinner while we........

oh snap. mental health day anyone?

pillow talk with the toddler

2012-02-11T20:42:00.000-08:00

My parents did a lot of things right. One of the best things was bed time. They had 4 children and every night they would make the rounds to each of our rooms one a time for back tickles, book reading, and late night heart to heart chats. The talks were my favorite and one of my most cherished memory from my childhood.

They sometimes lasted way past bedtime, we didnt really pay much attention to the clock on the best nights. I learned about my parents, they learned about me. We talked about school, friends, faith, goals, responsibly, and boys. I always knew they were there for me and I am so grateful for all their advice and support for me. We still have those long chats to this day. I dont know what I would do without them. It is priceless.

Hubs and I are bringing this tradition into our home. Every night no matter how tired we are, we lay in bed with Ryan for a while, sometimes over an hour. We read books, sing songs, talk about our day, say prayers, and cuddle lots. We talk about baby Weston, the rest of our family, Jesus, and how much we love him. We will do the same thing with West and the rest of our kids when they come.

It makes bed time pretty awesome if you ask me.

wordless wednesday

2012-02-08T21:12:00.000-08:00

hmm my last few weeks of WW have all been b/w...

linking up with the paper mama

6 weeks and postpartum

2012-02-08T14:57:00.000-08:00

Weston T. is 6 weeks old already! Three days ago I cried while packing up his newborn clothes, I love that he is healthy and thriving but I wish he would just slow down. I am a newborn mama for sure I love the first 6 months they are my favorite and time is slipping away just too quickly for my taste.

at 6 weeks Weston is:

wearing 0-3 month size clothes but they are still a little big

size 1 diapers

awake much more during the day but still takes long naps

insists on being in bed at 11pm sharp every night and gets very irritated if I try to cuddle him after this point

sleeps from 11 to either 4 OR 6 am then goes back to bed til 9

still sleeping in our room in his pack n play on his tummy with his pacie and tiger that plays lullabies

loves tummy time and baths

obsessed with Ryan

SMILING and cooing a bit. I LOVE these moments

has baby acne pretty bad but it should clear up in a week or so

burps like an old man

lets me swaddle him sometimes

loves the boobies and nursing but only eats when hes hungry unlike his brother who was a comfort nurser for sure.

enjoys the little travel swing that's for grandmas house over the big nice swing. go figure.

getting chunky fat rolls. love

loves his soothie pacie

losing his hair in the back and sides, it looks funny.

Postpartum

As for me and being postpartum- its interesting for sure. Completely different from things with Ryan. I felt really good coming off this pregnancy almost like a high. I was blissfully happy and I was scared that it would all come crashing down like it did before. Things were amazing for about 3 weeks but then it hit me one day in Target of all places when my mom called me and I just started sobbing right there in the little girls section while I was trying to make a B line for the baby stuff behind it.

Since that day I have been taking an antidepressant because I didnt want to pass it off as baby blues and struggle for the next few months. I am really glad I made the choice I did and am not ashamed of needing a little extra help. Having a baby does so much more than make your belly big for 9+ months. It affects your mind, spirit, body, and soul. Every part of you changes when you have a baby and it happens again when you have a second, third and so on. As for now I am feeling really good. I still will randomly feel like crying for no reason and if I am at home or another socially acceptable place like my car at a stop light then I will just let it out. I take it as my body's way of ridding itself of crazy pregnancy hormones I no longer need. Plus having an infant is rough no matter how easy they are or how many times you've done in in the past. Thats something to cry about right there!

Having a baby is also a wonderful thing, its life's greatest thrill if you ask me. I am sure I have new moms or newly pregnant ladies reading and my point is not to scare you or depress you about what life is like after that baby comes. I was unprepared for the emotional side of delivery and beyond the first time and I dont want anyone to be in shock like I was. So breathe a sigh of relief girls, its awesome. Trust me, I will do it again in a few years for sure and probably more after that too.

As for the bod- back down to my pre RYAN weight. 6 months before I got pregnant with Weston I was diagnosed with psuedotumor ceribri which is a really fancy way of saying my body acted like I had a brain tumor when in fact I did NOT. Scary time I never want to repeat- during that whole thing I lost a lot of weight to the point where people thought I was struggling with an eating disorder. It was just all the medication I was taking for it. So to say I want to be back to pre weston weight is not true that was not very attractive in my opinion. I like to have some hips and boobs! However I am really bad at working out which means I have ZERO muscle on this body of mine. Being a gymnast for many years I always had greatly toned muscles and I am dying to have them back. I am going to start some light weight training soon.

Breastfeeding- going amazing! I have been blessed with great boobs, good eaters, and patience to learn the art- for it truly is. I have always had an ample milk supply but the last week its been rough. Hardly any let down and I can tell Weston is really irritated after a min or so when there isnt much left and the same thing happens on the other side. So instead of filling his belly to the brim every 4 hours I am topping him off every 1.5 to 2 hours hoping to get my body to produce more again. I am also being extremely lazy relaxing, drinking lots of water, and trying to eat everything in sight. Hopefully it will get better in a few days. My nursing bras are a 34E (yeah I know..) but I barely fill out my B cups from before! Pray for me and my milk please.

If you made it through all this, mad props to you. I just want to be able to remember everything and I know from experience if I dont write it down I will forget over time. This is such an amazing time in my life I would never want to lose it.

Happy 6 weeks Weston T!

Coming up next...

Parenting the same way and getting two TOTALLY different results. To each their own in this house.

WubbaNub | products we love

2012-02-07T17:13:00.000-08:00

This is not a sponsored post. I was not compensated by WubbaNub in any way. This is just a product I fell in love with and wanted to share it with all you lovely ladies!

What is a WubbaNub you ask? Only the best pacifier ever, my friends. Its just a regular soothie pacie but has a little stuffed animal attached to the tab. I love the soothie pacies you get in the hospital and we have tons of them but when I saw this one I was pretty skeptical. It was $10 at Babies R Us so I wasnt about to jump on it right away.

Since baby boy likes to hold onto something to feel secure, I got it last minute before check out. It's a winner for sure! What I didnt realize was the small weight of the frog helps him keep it in his mouth and weighs it down so he doesnt lose it every time he moves his head. I cant explain it any better than that but I strongly suggest if your babe likes the soothie pacifiers to try it out! I thought I had tried it all with Ryan but I was wrong, this is a great baby buy.

The stats from their website:
• Commonly distributed in hospitals, NICU and
well-baby units, nationwide
• BPA, PVC and Phthalate Free!
• Eliminates the use of pacifier straps that can be
dangerous for babies
• Carefully calculated weight and size of plush
keeps the WubbaNub™ near baby’s mouth
• Vibrant colors are stimulating and captivating
for babies undeveloped eyesight
• Extremely difficult to lose (and need to
purchase a new pacifier)
• May assist in the development of hand-eye
• Ages: Infant to 6 Months.

Weston's western themed nursery reveal.

2012-02-06T21:57:00.000-08:00

Being in a rental I am not really in the mood to paint so we are making due with our cream walls for now- better than stark white for sure though! I am not a wasteful person by any means (except for left overs from dinner the night before. eww) so when we found out we had another little man on the way I got excited to re use all of Ryans stuff and add a little more.

The bedding which I am in LOVE with was gifted from friends who no longer needed it, my rocking chair that has already had many miles on it was a $20 steal off craigslist. I made the pillow and with a little wood glue and some tlc it was good to go. Worked amazing for Ryan and will for Weston as well. Curtains, rod, and lamp (from our apartment family room before) from Ikea. Mantel over window I found in my in laws garage, paint and vinyl lettering did the trick. A cross stitch sampler in the same colors from my Aunt was given to me when I first went to kindergarten. Horse shoes one the wall were from a vintage street fair and the frames were $1 each from a garage sale I believe. Other items from the local craft store, second hand/vintage finds, and what not. The large W is made of a cardboard ish material and is from Joanns for $10. I was going to do something fun with it but I kind of like the way it is now.

I still need to swap out the pictures for ones of Weston, he loves his brother but not that much ;) Once he starts sleeping in there I will also hang the "W" on the wall.

Maybe my favorite item is the green army foot locker under the window- it belonged to hubs grandfather, whom Weston Teuscher is named after. It contains all the baby toys right now.

While Weston doesnt sleep in here at night yet he hangs out in his crib and sometimes naps for a bit in there while we are playing upstairs.

I love this room!

steppin out

2012-02-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

Linking up with Mandy for today's steppin out post. I havent done one of these forever but as I was standing in my closet today wondering what in the heck to wear to church (my favorite day to dress for!) I decided to be brave and put on a white linen dress that is totally made for summer bbq's and add some winter flair. How did I do?

dress. gap

cardi. nordstrom bp

scarf. old navy

bracelets. forever 21 and vintage from my grandma

boots. nordstrom

I think it work. Yes? No? Since it was a church day I figured I would tell you that Ryan is LOVING nursery class again, it was hard when we moved because we went to a new congregation which meant new class and new friends. Took a few months but today he ran to the door and did a pretty epic happy dance. Also- nursing in this dress... awkward. Had to pretty much open the whole thing up in the front for chow time.

Getting a toddler break this week- Ry is going to mimi and papi's house for a few days. Time to finish up some projects in the family room while hes gone. Hitting up Home Goods to add some character to this great room space down stairs.

I'll miss him!

home makeover. downstairs great room

2012-02-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

Here is a side of me I hate to admit is there but I figured if I was going to do a before and after of our downstairs living area it should be a realistic view. This is life with a busy body toddler and a new baby. Its messy, chaotic, and super unorganized. I hate it! Not the kid part but the messy part of course. I feel clausterphobic in this space. I need open, clean, fresh spaces.

First picture is from the hallway. we have long skinny hallway from our front door and it opens up into this great room space.

On the stairs- yes there is food out everywhere, ryan emptied the fridge while I was taking these cause I forgot to put the lock back on it.

Projects in the works are: new grey sectional from costco, paint the entertainment center, put a collage of fun things on the wall above couch and a few other places, put ottoman upstairs because our couch came with one!

take down those horrid blinds that break all the time and replace them with pretty curtains that help keep the heat IN my house. large canvas over kitchen table and some sort of pretty centerpiece thats not left over dishes from all the meals we had brought in when west was born (yeah I know that was FIVE weeks ago) rug under kitchen table. half blinds or curtains over sink window

I think we were watching land before time on tv... ewww look at how messy this is! I am so embarrassed right now.

my painted hodge podge book cases with the huge eye sore that is our fish tank. Arent those supposed to be pretty or something? what if I split up the book cases and put that black leather ottoman in between and hung a picture or something in the middle OR my star repainted.

I have a lot to paint, including the candy apple red bar stools (what was I thinking) they will be black to match our table. btw I HATE PAINTING this will be interesting.

Okay one room at a time right? Luckily the boys rooms are pretty much DONE and our master is almost. its just this big space that we spend 80% of our time in.

"you're so vain"

2012-02-01T23:34:00.000-08:00

Okay imagine the song above playing in the background as you scroll through some selfies I took the other day. I got a remote for my camera for christmas and hadn't broken it out yet. Ryan thought it was totally awesome and joined the fun too. After a few lovely bloggy friends talked about the importance of self portraits on our blogs I felt guilt that my face rarely graces this blogs presence. I have few pictures of myself because most of the time I dont like the way they look (not trolling for compliments I promise) but I have been told the more I get in front of the camera the more comfortable I will feel. Hoping thats true because these are WAY out of my zone.

And thanks to everyone who left a comment on my last post. I am going to just branch out and blog about it all! First up- some home overhaul updates. We bought some new things tonight including a dark grey sectional sofa that I am in LOVE with. Cant wait to show you!

I hate blogging about blogging

2012-02-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

I do, I do, I really do. But I am going to do it anyway. I am sitting here in my super uber messy house (pictures of that are coming tomorrow) chowing down on last nights home made left over BBQ chicken pizza thats to die for while the little dude sleeps away in his swing and the big dude tears apart my kitchen trying to find everything to make pop corn with my hot hair popper. I look at my life, at this blog.. they sometimes go hand in hand as this really is my spill all, share all dumping ground.

My life was put on hold for most of 2011. We had some family issues to work through, we moved into a new house, and then of course that pregnancy thing. Zofran twice a day every day for 8 months if that gives you an idea of how sick I really was. Things are getting back to normal finally and now I feel the strong urge to kick it into high gear over here. And I want to blog about it all. But I am torn. I love my niche bloggers. The daybook, Chris loves Julia, The art of making a baby.. they all have their thing and they are really really good at it. I guess this has been mostly a baby/mommy blog and thats what you are all used too. My endless rants about toddler sleep patterns, my dreams for my sons in the future, and throwing up in the car.

There is more to me than that. I have a strong desire brought on by my husbands jokes about living in sweatpants purgatory (thank you Up All Night) to start dressing better even when I am just at home. Like today I am in sweats no make up hair messy, my kids are still in the pjs.. ridiculous there is no excuse for this. I had big pinterest plans for this little ol house of ours and started dreaming about projects and new decor when we moved in.. well that was last september and it still looks like our apartment just bigger. I want to take one room at a time and give it a serious overhaul. I have been saving up and I am pretty sure this is where I want to invest some moolah. I am a pretty decent cook, meaning I can follow recipes well yet we eat out most of the week because I am way too unorganized and busy to plan out a menu. I started my photog biz last year and I know this is down time for most but I still want the business to grow. I want to be shooting more and be bringing on new clients. That means I need to sharpen my skills, I need more practice with my camera and I need to be better.

I guess my question to you my lovely friends and readers where do I draw the line. Do I blog about it all? Do you care to have an all access pass to my life and the things going on here that dont include cute baby cheeks smiles? Do I just start blogging everything that I am working on? I wonder if it will keep me motivated to change and do better knowing there is someone to hold me accountable that doesnt just love me unconditionally (sorry hubs and mom you dont count!)

I dont usually get comments but I would really love some input of what YOU want to see out of Me and Mine in 2012. Leave it here or on facebook.

xoxo
L

wordless wednesday

2012-01-31T22:45:00.001-08:00

Same picture as in my tagged post just b/w.. LOVE him and his sleepy little eyes!

tagged

2012-01-31T14:54:00.000-08:00

I havent done a tagged post in a while! I was tagged by my friend Stephanie. We did a semester of college together and let me tell you, this girl is amazing. Go tell her I said hello!

Here are the rules of the challenge:

1 - you must post the rules.

2 - post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.

3 - answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.

4 - tag eleven people and link them on your post

5 - let them know you've tagged them!

11 Facts About Me:

1. I eat at least 2 bowls of cereal every day. One for lunch and one before bed. I have done this as long as I can remember (grade school people!)

2. I desperately want a minivan. I slip it into casual conversation with the hubs daily. HINT HINT

3. I let my babies sleep on their tummies. shhhh dont tell the pediatrician

4. I think wet nurses are a cool idea that should come back cause I would do it. I have enough to spare and I might as well help another mama out

5. I bought the pioneer woman cook book 6 months ago and JUST opened it for the first time 2 days ago and I am obsessed. I want to make everything and have my own ranch. hubs would look hot in chaps.

6. I think I might be the only woman on the planet who wished she was naturally a ginger. I pay big bucks to color this mop on my head read.

7. I've watched all the S*** people say videos on youtube and crack up laughing every time. They never get old.

8. I act like a cranky 3 year old on road trips. I hate being in the car for extended periods of time.

9. I am still wearing a maternity sweater. I have packed away everything else but this bad boy you are going to have to pry out of my dead cold hands. I love it.

10. I forgot nursing pads on sunday and leaked through all my layers. now thats #momsexy

11. I care a lot about what people think and then get frustrated when I know what they think and its mean. If you are my friend on facebook you would have seen the HUGE comment feed that was going on, on my wall about blessing our baby in church vs. at home (both are totally acceptable in our religion) we decided to bless him at home and the thought that people hate this idea bothers me. I need to just let it go so I can enjoy our special day with Weston T.

11 questions for you:

1. If you had a free day to do anything you wanted, what would it be?

I would eat at a restaurant I dont normally go to with the kidlets and go cruise around home goods. Possibly get a massage or a pedicure and take a nap!

2. What is on your night stand right now?

box of nursing pads, a parenting book I have yet to open, ultrasound picture, water bottle, and tv remotes

3. If you could go back and re-live one day of your life, what day would it be and why? I would relive each of my childrens births. They are the best days ever :) I know- super cliche

4. What would your dream job be?

doing professional photography- wait, I am working on that now! OR being an labor and delivery nurse or midwife.

5. What is the Greek meaning of your name?

I googled this and the only thing I could find was that my name is of English descent and it means "crowned with laurels"

6. What is your secret favorite chore?

vacuuming. though if you know me well this is no secret! I do it everyday. I also enjoy de-junking and organizing BIG time. I think I just like to throw things away...

7. What is your favorite childhood memory?

Trips to florida with my family and doing gymnastics with my favorite coach ever, miss Kim.

8. What is your heaven on earth?

obviously something with my babies.. probably middle of the night feedings when its just the 2 of us. I know more cliche

9. If a season described you, what season would you be and why?

spring- not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket??

10. What is your go to drink?

Ice water! Weird I know... also passion tea lemonade with raspberry from starbucks

11. If you had $500 dollars given to you, what would you do with it?

I would buy a sigma 50mm f1.4 lens

congrats you got all the way through! I will reward you with a picture of the babes

5 weeks old

I TAG EVERYONE THAT WANTS TO PARTICIPATE!

1 month old

2012-01-29T20:59:00.000-08:00

Okay enough of the weekly updates we are measuring by months now! Happy ONE month to little West. You are still the most perfect baby ever and we love you.

at one month old you are getting chunkier by the minute probably up to 8+ pounds

sleeping all the time :) no signs of reflux or colic yet!

breastfeeding every 3-4 hours and going 6 hour stretches at night

taking a bottle from daddy when I go coach gymnastics

laughing and smiling but not at anyone or anything in particular

crosses his eyes when he stares at me really hard

holds his head up

loves sleep on his tummy in his pack n play

loves flannel blankets and his soothie pacie- obsessed with the wubbanub

wears newborn size clothes and JUST moved up to size 1 diapers

loves the car

loves watching Ryan ~~run around him in circles like a crazy maniac~~ play

loves mommy the most

ryan-isms vol. 3

2012-01-27T21:03:00.000-08:00

Ryan is really into.... hygiene I guess you could say. He loves to take showers, put on deodorant, blow dry his hair. We spend far too much time together in the bathroom. Yesterday I was getting ready to go to my massage (thank you health insurance for believing it counts as preventative care!) and realized my legs needed to be shaved oh so very badly.. oh sorry Erin I did take my leggings off, thats just my hairy-ness, style. The next thing I knew the dude was standing in the tub with me, one leg propped up on the side with his blade-less razor "haavin me egs" (shaving his legs)........ okay no biggie right? Awkward moment a few hours later when he had to reenact the moment for Grandma and she is thinking we are all just crazy I am sure.

While on the topic of body hair- hubs always has scruff or a goatee. One evening before bed they were cuddling and talking like good boys do and he asked Ryan if it was silly he had hair on his face. Ryan laughed and then told daddy that he didnt have hair on his face like daddy does... he had a bald face..... then I rolled on the floor laughing.

So the next time we are hanging out and you smell mans deodorant on me just know it wasnt intentional. It was from trying to pry hub's tube out of ryans hands before he put it all over his stomach and in his hair. He is super thorough with that stuff.

Oh side note. A whole MONTH ago from tonight I was packing up my hospital bag, breathing through contractions, and getting ready to welcome Weston into our family. Time is flying way too fast. I will do his 1 month update tomorrow but still cant decide on what set up I want for his monthly pictures?! Shoot me some ideas or I am stealing someone else's and being a copy cat....

mommy in training?

2012-01-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

This kid is amazing. He is such a loving, sweet, nurturing boy. He is the best big brother and will be the best father someday (far far away from now) he loves to play with his baby dolls, he loves to cook and clean, and help me around the house. He is awesome with Weston. For the most part he lets me nurse and change diapers without much fuss.

Pumping totally weirds him out though.. can you blame him?!

Most of the time I try to keep West otherwise occupied when I am putting Ry to bed so we can just have special time but today I baby needed to eat and Ry needed to nap all at the same time. So I just nursed him in Ryans bed while we read books. Then Ryan decided he shouldnt lay down anymore, so he sat up and told me he needed to nurse (nurse someone, not BE nursed dont freak out!) After trying to tell him he doesnt have nursies (boobs) he lifted up his shirt to show me his nipples and state in fact he DID have nursies and there was TWO of them. SEE MOM! As I was about to die laughing he grabbed his beloved taggy blanket and started "nursing" the tag part.... ummmmmmm who IS this kid and WHERE did he come from? Then he informed me that it was time for his taggy and weston to both switch sides..... WHAT?

I dont know what to do with this kid-- it was pretty epic and hilarious. So I guess later on he will have to fight it out with his wife to see who gets to breastfeed their babies.. since he's experienced and all now.

wordless wednesday

2012-01-25T15:15:00.000-08:00

4 weeks

feeling it

2012-01-20T00:03:00.000-08:00

Its been 3 weeks of heavenly bliss at our house. I dont know if it was hubs being home from work for over 2 weeks, the heavy pain meds, or just mama adrenalin but I have been LOVING life with 2 babies. Things have been easy, I have felt somewhat rested, and we have been in a good grove.

3 weeks old

But now I am feeling the reality of 2 kids. 2 kids in diapers, 2 that dont always want to eat well, 2 that dont sleep when they are supposed too, 2 that cry at the same time, 2 that want to be held at the same time. I knew this would happen eventually but I am lucky if I get out of my pj's by 4pm and we do more than just watch movies all day. I will give it another week or so then I am kicking myself into high gear and getting back into a normal schedule.

It is still wonderful however. I love these 2 boys more than words, and they feel the same about each other. They played for 45 minutes without me today.

my boys

2012-01-16T22:26:00.000-08:00

my assignment this week is to get more pictures of them TOGETHER.

2 weeks old

2012-01-12T12:32:00.000-08:00

I cant believe its already been 2 whole weeks since I heard his cry for the first time. I am sure every week from here on out I will feel the same way. Time is moving so quickly I just want to freeze it and live in this moment for a while longer.

7lbs 11oz | 20.5 inches

He did really good at his 2 week check up! No crying at all he just laid there and slept away while the dr looked him over. He is still sleeping all day and now is awake most of the night. We are all pretty tired around here as big bro isnt sleeping at night either (are we surprised? I think not) I am trying to wake him up every 2 to 3 hours during the day to eat and then praying that the long stretches of sleep will start happening at night instead of in the afternoon. I have never had to wake up a baby before this is so weird.

He loves taking baths. He has had one in his baby tub and a few with me in the big tub. He loves the water and kicking his legs around I am assuming just like he did in my belly.

He is big on the pacie and having a blanket to hold. His moro reflex is pretty strong and every time we lay him down on his back his arms fly out and he gets really scared. He is starting to keep his hands in tight little fists on his chest during diaper changes its so cute.

I am finally physically feeling better and starting to heal. Breast feeding is going great and my body is finally regulating my milk supply! However, I worry about postpartum depression as it is something I struggled with so badly the first time so we will see how that goes.

watch him grow here :)

the eldest

2012-01-08T18:14:00.000-08:00

30 degrees and outside, sounds fun right? Needless to say we are more than ready for spring and warmer weather to head our way. Yes I know its only January, but we are sun worshipers in this house.

Its sad that the baby is sleeping the most out of everyone in this house. Last night it took Ryan over 2 hours to settle down and then he was awake every 2 hours the entire night and tried to be up for the day at 6. Mama needs her beauty rest! We have tried it all so now we are doing the unthinkable....

No more naps.

Someone hug me its going to be a long week.

a name

2012-01-07T23:26:00.000-08:00

I will blog about Ryan again soon I promise. But for now the littlest is stealing the show, and we are quite alright with that.

Coming up with a good name for this boy was hard stuff. We bounced ideas around my whole pregnancy, even after he was born we both looked at each other and said out loud "is this a Weston?" His name fits him the more we get to know him and we think we picked the perfect one.

His middle name, Teuscher, pronounced tuh-sher, is from the hubs side of the family. It is his mother's maiden name. We love the Teuscher clan especially the man at the head of it, Grandpa Wallace Teuscher. He has lived an incredible life of faith, love, and service. He has given life to 6 amazing children who grew up to be 6 even more amazing adults. Which in turn got married and created 36 grand children (spouses included) and then 24 great grandchildren. More join the family every year with more marriages and babies. That is quite the legacy! I am so proud to be a part of this family and that my son carries this name. I hope that when he struggles later on in life that he can remember who he is and where he came from. That he can look to this massive family he is a part of and find strength.

smitten

2012-01-05T23:40:00.000-08:00

I am kind of smitten with this baby boy. He is perfect, perfect for me, perfect for this family. He had a rough day today, lots of changes. He is now a big boy, his umbilical cord stump fell off and now there is a cute little belly button in its place. Its a good thing too because it was getting stinky and gross. He also had his circ. done today :( poor baby but something I am glad we have done on our boys. Diaper changes have been rough though and you can tell he is really uncomfortable. On top of it his tiny tear ducts are getting the best of him and his left eye is all gooey! Through all of this he decided to just sleep it off and has been snoozing most of the day. I love it when he sleeps- he makes little squeakie sounds and pouts his lips.

1 week old

2012-01-05T00:14:00.000-08:00

big baby yawns

I have a goal to post a picture of West every week for the first year of his life. I took tons of photos of Ryan but never did any regular ones like this and I really wish I did.

So here we are little peanut, you are 1 week old already. Last week we were settled into our dimly lit hospital room cuddling skin to skin and you were learning the art of breast feeding-- which I might add is going amazing you are the best eater. You eat every 3.5 to 4 hours and when you arent eating you are sleeping the day away and cuddling with me all night in my bed. You must be growing lots because we hardly ever see you awake. On the off change you are awake you are magical baby boy. You have the biggest darkest eyes and you love to watch everything going on around you.

You are so peaceful and wonderful. We love you more than words. You have brought such a special spirit into our home and we are all so blissfully, giddy, happy right now. Things are literally perfect for our family of 4 and we cant help but notice it happened the second you took your first breath outside my body.

meeting your best friend

2012-01-02T23:06:00.000-08:00

When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited for Ryan to have a sibling. I always knew he would just do better with a side kick, he was not made to be alone. When we found out we were having another boy I was elated. Two boys, 2.5 years apart. I hoped they would be best friends.

We debated back and forth about bringing Ryan to the hospital to meet Weston. He doesnt have any good hospital experiences and the whole place just really gives Ryan the heebie-jeebies. I was gone 2 nights and both were really hard on him, he is used to sleeping in our bed and was really worried that I wasnt there on the pillow next to him. He would cry "mommy home" over and over. So we figured it was better to bring him to see us.

I had to take a discharge "how to care for your baby" kind of class since it had been over 2 years since my last birth (like I had forgotten or something) When I was wheeling Weston down the hall way in his bassinet I heard hubs and Ryan playing in my hospital room. I stopped the bed just outside the door and did my mama whistle that Ryan always answers to. He RAN to give me the biggest hug and despite tons of stitches I dropped down to my knees to give him one back. I judged his overall demeanor and decided that the snack kitchen would be our first stop before we threw his new brother at him. After some juice and a cup of fruit we all settled into the hospital room.

Daddy told him in the car that he was going to go meet "baby es" so he was more than excited when I pulled him out of the bassinet. I asked him who it was and he knew right away and told me he came out of my tummy! Of course he wanted to hold him as soon as he could.

He climbed up on my bed and while I was grabbing my camera I laid Weston down and Ryan crawled over and said "Hi baby es!" he patted his tummy, gave him a hug and a kiss all on his own without any coaching. I think my heart literally exploded with love for these two boys at that moment. I was so worried about how I would cope with being a mom of two, would I love them both the same, would I favor one over the other, would I feel like I had enough love for the both of them? The answer to that is YES.

He loved holding Weston and was so careful with his head and making sure he was safe in his arms, I didnt have to help him much and when he was done he kindly told me so. He told us we could bring him back to our house :) I know we are only 5 days into this big brother thing but its going really well. I really think they will be bestest buds as they grow up. Ryan is so helpful already, he always comes over and gives him hugs and kisses and says hello. He gets me diapers and finds the pacie and anything else his baby needs. I know it wont be like that every day and we will have our struggles but doesnt every good sibling relationship have those? Best friends forever right here baby.

But, things arent perfect. Ryan is super grossed out by Westons "belly button maker" he thinks its a bug or something and every time I change him he slowly backs away in the other direction. Twice he has actually started to throw up and was dry heaving. His eyes get all red and watery and he gags, its so sad/funny at the same time. I told him he had a belly button maker when he was a baby too and that resulted in a "noooooooooo!" with his hands grabbing his belly. Hopefully Westons will fall off soon and then we can move on with things. In the the meantime I just feel bad for the poor kid.

All in all we love having these 2 boys, they love having each other. We are so blessed things are amazing.

Weston Teuscher | a birth story

2012-01-01T02:29:00.000-08:00

As I sit here, three minutes away from 2012, I can see little feet poking out from the baby swing. This year has been good to us, especially the last week of it. We went out with a bang there is no doubt about that. Weston Teuscher Alberts was born December 28th, 2011 at 5:30 pm. He weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces and measured 19 and a half inches in length. All ten fingers, all ten toes, and a perfectly proportioned, perfectly round head. We are so blessed.

His took his sweet time with his entrance into this world and the start of it all came as quite a surprise to us. I had been eagerly awaiting each weekly doctor appointment, crossing my fingers that my body would show some signs of labor and give us an idea of when we would expect our little boy. Every week it was the same thing, no cervical dilation or effacement, no contractions, no baby on his way. On December 27th I had my 40 week check up and it was no different, until I was outside the exam room talking with my wonderful nurses and doctor about scheduling a c-section for that Friday and about the risks of trying pitocin without already being in early labor and adding having a VBAC to all of that when it happened. I had my first contraction. The first of many that would bring our little Weston into my arms. The doctor confirmed by rubbing my belly but told me not to count my lucky stars just yet.

After I left the doctor, Hubs, Ryan and I ran some errands. One of our stops was Buffalo Wild Wings-- I was going to spice this baby out. By this point my contractions were coming every 15-20 minutes. We were keeping our families informed with our progress but like the doctor said, we werent banking on anything. I had a massage scheduled for 2pm and even though they were getting stronger and stronger I decided it would be nice to still go. I had 4 contractions during my massage and I fell asleep twice. I was so relaxed and I have a feeling that was the break of the dam. By the time I got home again they were 8 to 10 minutes apart. I tried to take a nap with Ryan knowing that those days were numbered. I skipped work that night as they were getting stronger and stronger. I had a hard time relaxing and keeping my breath even. At 8pm I called my parents to head down they had a 3 hour drive from Seattle, and this was it. Contractions were 5 to 8 minutes apart so I took a nice shower, shaved my legs, and packed the last few items into our hospital bag and waited for them to arrive so we could leave for the hospital. A few hours later we called hubs parents to have them come over and sit with Ryan because I couldnt wait any longer.

I told myself all the way to the hospital I was only dilated to 1cm because I didnt want to be disappointed but the pain I was feeling was real and it wasnt going away. We checked in easily and sure enough-- dilated to a 1 but 80% effaced. I had made some progress but not nearly enough. The hospital wasnt full so they said I could stay and walk the halls for a while to see if things changed. Knowing we were far off from the actual delivery I sent hubs home to get some rest/take care of Ryan because I knew he would be up and missing me. My mom stayed with me and it was perfect, she was such an amazing birth coach having gone through the same thing 5 times. She was so watchful of me and would rub my forehead and my back during each contraction, making sure I said focused and didnt lose my breath. I could not have gone through this experience without her. She is now required to be at all future births. (and take pictures, she took all of these for us) I really thought that I would make it farther into labor before I got an epidural but I am glad I didnt have to. The doctor on call gave me the okay at 4am only dilated to a 3 and the relief was so sweet.

I labored the rest of the night and all day without much rest however. I was very nauseous and threw up tons, I also had a nasty headache and was feeling really gross all over-- almost flu like. At one point they turned off my epidural to see if that would help with the promise of turning it back on in a few minutes. I went 2.5 hours without because the anesthesiologist got stuck in surgery. It was so painful and made me more sick. Hubs came back later that morning after he had gotten Ryan up and settled in with papi for the day. It was great to have him and my mom there supporting me through this. I dilated slowly, about a centimeter an hour or so. I didnt want pitocin unless I had to and since I was moving along, just at my own pace, I was allowed to continue on. I am sure the OB would have liked to send me home but since I was already numb I was there for the long haul and for that I was grateful. A little after noon I felt a tiny trickle- my water had broke a bit but it didnt tear through the whole bag. The OB came in a while later and finished it up. The next thing I knew I was dilated to a 7, and then before I knew it a 9.5. I had read a lot about the benefits of letting the baby labor down as far as they could on their own and since I had a great epidural that was something I wanted to do. It made sense to me, as my baby had already wanted to do things in his own way, in his own time.

I was fully dilated for about an hour and kept feeling him inch closer and closer with each contraction. It wasnt like anything else in the world. It amazing knowing how close he was to actually being here. My nurse told me to give her a heads up when I didnt feel the pressure let up between contractions. At 4:50 pm that happened. After one practice push she told me that as soon as my OB came in we would have a baby! My nurse and the baby nurse started getting things set up, my OB suited up as we cracked jokes and shot the breeze. My contractions never got closer than 5 minutes apart so like with everything else we just had fun and took our time. Earlier in my pregnancy we joked about how I was only going to push for a few minutes-- this being silly because I knew most first time vaginal birth moms can push for an hour or 2. Once he said he was ready to go I lost all control of my emotions and started sobbing. I was terrified. I was scared to push and have this little person come out of me. I was scared to have another newborn as the last one was so difficult and pushed me to my limits, I was scared to be a mother to two children. Whether I was feeling confident or not everyone in that room helped me muster enough courage to push.

Pushing was the greatest thing. It wasnt scary like I thought, it wasnt hard either. I was able to peek down over my shrinking belly and see our little ones head emerge, hair and all! I would have a push then have to wait a few minutes til my next contraction to give it another go. It was slow coming yet again and it was weird to have to him just sitting there so close. The baby nurse kept oohing and ahhing because he never showed any signs of distress he was completely calm the whole time being squished. I only had to push 5 times and then I witnessed one more of my greatest moments ever. My little peanut floated out with ease and into my arms.

He cried for a few seconds and then looked up at me with his big dark eyes and we both melted instantly. He was so peaceful and so happy. I was surprised how clean he was, hardly any baby goo on him at all, he looked so good. I asked them to delay cutting the cord and they did for about 20 minutes. It was great to just have time with him and letting him get used to this big bright beautiful world for a bit. They were able to clean him off a little and check his stats without rushing him away, he didnt need any suction or assistance at all. My boy was here and he was ready for it! I loved our last few minutes of being physically connected. This little guy had grown in my body for the last 9 months and here he was, ready to be on his own. It was bitter sweet. Daddy cut the cord when the time came.

He started rooting around for my breast within the first few minutes and like his brother latched perfectly the first try. I laid and nursed him while my husband and I exchanged loving glances and I was stitched up a bit. I had a second degree tear. Both grandmas were there for his birth as well. Our room was over flowing with love at that moment. I felt they all had a hand in his safe arrival and I was so grateful to share that moment with everyone that was there. Of course nothing with us goes off without a hitch- a few minutes after he was born the power went out! The back up generators switched off and on a few times then things resumed back the love fest that they were. (we also had a fire drill at the same time my nurse call button on my bed broke, it was kind of crazy!)

From the start of my first contraction to holding Weston was 29.5 hours. I was more than ready to be off the epidural and moving around. It had been 13.5 hours since I was hooked up to the IV. I was so grateful to have a successful VBAC. My labor and delivery went so well I really have no complaints. Sure it wasnt perfect, its still called labor. I was sick and throwing up, hubs couldnt be there the whole time, I ended up with quite a few stitched despite my doctor doing a great job stretching me, but I felt strong and empowered overall! I was able to care for my son and myself with out much pain or discomfort after delivery. We opted for a 24 hour discharge and by Thursday evening, December 30th we were at home with our proud big brother, soaking up this family of four thing.

Weston is the perfect baby. He rarely cries unless being changed or touched by someone with cold hands. He shows no signs of jaundice, he poops and tinkles like a champ, and he is an amazing eater and sleeper. He is in love with Ryan and visa versa. We are so happy and content as we ring in the new year. We have so much to be grateful for. We love our little guys and our life together.

Happy new year.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T22:58:00.000-08:00

This Christmas was a bit stressful for all of us. We werent sure when baby boy was going to arrive, if we would even be home to enjoy our morning, and what not. I was hoping for an early delivery so I could be home with my 3 boys but once Thursday of last week rolled around I begged little man to stay in through the holiday weekend. Of course he did and now we are more than ready for him to vacate the premises.

We are lucky to live by both our families, hubs are right down the road and mine are 2.5 hours away. We knew we would spend the weekend at home with me trying not to move much and go into labor but that we would see my in laws and open presents with them. That was all fine and dandy til I was up late talking to my mom on facebook Friday night. They were so bummed about Christmas this year and not getting to spend it with their ray of sunshine-- Ryan. My family has been through a lot the last year and it has been really rough on everyone, they were hoping to have a fun Christmas with the little dude to take their minds of things. They were not able to travel to our house so hubs and I came up with a crazy idea.

Depending on how I felt the night before with the baby and all we would pack up our presents (Ryan doesnt like santa and didnt know what he was missing anyway) and drive up to my parents house for the day and surprise them! We left the house by 6am Sunday morning and arrived just as they were getting up. My parents rarely receive happy surprises and I can never pull one over on them but this worked out perfect. There were LOTS of tears from everyone, I had a gut feeling that we needed to come but seeing the looks on their faces and watching them react to us standing on the front porch just confirmed HOW badly they needed us and their little Ryan there with them.

On the way home hubs asked me how I liked the day, if I enjoyed my presents and what not. The day was perfect, it wasnt about presents or santa, it was about family, faith, and love. It was how Christmas is supposed to be.

toddler melt down because the helicopter had to charge longer

I am grateful we got to spend the day with my parents. It made it even sweeter that my baby sister was in town from Utah and my grandparents were there from Idaho. This is the last Christmas my grandma will be aware of, Alzheimers is taking her away from us and I dont know how much longer we have with her.

I wasnt worried about having the baby that day, I had a pretty calm feeling about the whole thing. If it came down to it we could always get in the car and come home at the first sign of contractions or deliver at the near by hospital. Though I do admit being 40 weeks pregnant and traveling was risky! Thank you hubs for believing in me and putting up with my crazy ideas. This might have been my favorite Christmas yet.

Hope everyone also had a wonderful and memorable holiday. Keep your eye out for baby news coming this week. Due date is TOMORROW!

quotes to love- be soft

2011-12-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

Found this on pinterest tonight and it stuck out to me pretty strong. I love it! So many times I feel the need to keep up with the world, to be rough and tough. I feel like I cant let things go because then I am not strong enough or have a big enough back bone.

I just want to be soft :)

bad at being pregnant

2011-12-18T21:55:00.000-08:00

I legitimately feel bad for everyone I am friends with on facebook. I am just not a happy pregnant person I guess and I complain about it daily. I have turned into a complete whiner and I am so crabby! I just lay around in my sweat pants purgatory and eat pop tarts til my heart burn is so bad I want to rip out my own throat. I hate being pregnant but I LOVE having babies. So this will have to do, I have to get through the next 9 days (give or take a few) and then I will be in heaven with my little, pink, squishy, suckling newborn. ahhhh, bliss.

I am living it up with Ryan, we are doing whatever he wants. We cuddle lots, take naps with our faces squished together, share bowls of Nilla's.. He is loving it, so a part of me loves it too.

I have been reading so many birth stories, somehow all natural and super anti dr/hospital/medical intervention and it got me thinking. All of these women are walking around their homes, pushing in all sorts of positions, leading the delivery instead of being told what to do, and the kicker... EATING! Ahh I am a foodie, dont deprive me of a good meal for too long or you will get your head bit off. When I am in the hospital my OB said I was only aloud clear liquids and then after the epidural I could have ice chips. What the heck am I supposed to do if I am in labor in the hospital for 24 hours or something awfully long like that. I am already prepared to make a pit stop on the way and eat a huge meal to tide me over as long as it can. But I will also eat anyway.... its not like they will kick me out or take the food from my mouth, right?

Advice? What did you do when you were starving in labor?!?

Here's to one long week ahead.... oh and a Merry Christmas too ;)

love language

2011-12-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

I am a firm believer in love language. A while back hubs and I even took the little test online to see what our love languages are. Of course they are totally different from one another but it helped us to know what the other persons needs were and how we could be better spouses for each other. If I sit back and look at my family and close friends I can somewhat tell what their love languages are, it can be fascinating.

Our love language isnt something that comes with time and years of life. I really feel like it is something we are born with. Ryan's is no doubt touch and physical connection. There is a reason that he hangs on me all day and cuddles with me all night. He needs that to thrive and be happy. I can tell when we havent had enough touch time. He struggles with basic tasks, he doesnt sleep well, he doesnt eat well, he has a hard time paying attention. My greatest downfall is touch is not my love language. In the heat of the moment at times all I want him to do is go sit on the couch and leave me alone. When I get to that point I have to take a big step back and remember that his needs are different than mine. The way he feels secure, the way he feels and shows love and trust-- its by laying his head on my shoulder and patting my back, its not by sitting next to me but on me on the couch.

There are times when hubs and I sit back and say, wow things with Ryan are really good right now. He seems to be doing well in all areas of his life. I have to tell you that it is because his love tank is full. His love language needs are being met. Dont we all function better when our needs are met? The same goes for the little ones of course.

Its my job as his mama to make sure that his needs are met, those needs go far beyond food, clothing, shelter- by keeping his love tank full, and doing it the way he needs, he is learning trust, confidence, and love. He is learning that no matter what we have his back, we are there for him 100% I am happy going to bed each night because I know I am providing that for my son and will be able to do it for the next little boy too.

Sometimes I feel like I am failing as a parent. He doesnt always eat perfect, heaven and all of you know that he doesnt sleep perfect, and I have whined on here enough about how stubborn and persistent he is. But tonight hubs and I talked about HOW we are doing as parents. Sometimes its nice to take a step back and reevaluate things a bit. Is there anything else we can do for him that we arent, are there any areas that need work and so on. Other than him having a little too much sugar we are confident that we are doing everything we can to be the best parents to him, we are fulfilling his needs (as annoying or time consuming or physically draining they may be) we are creating a happy, safe environment for him to thrive in.

I think we deserve a nice big pat on the back.

What is your child's love language? Read more about the 5 Love Languages here to find out more.

this post was inspired by Casey's love language post

wordless wednesday

2011-12-14T00:56:00.000-08:00

He did it again... he went and grew up on me :(

thank you pinterest vol 1

2011-12-13T18:24:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of pinterest? If not it is my strong belief that you must click on that link and go sign up. I will even send you an invite if you need one just leave your email addy in the comments below. I first heard of it a year ago (possibly) and have been a proud user for quite some time now. Its been added to my usual list of internet activities-- among that list are facebook, google reader, and of course blogger.

The big joke is we all sit around and pin things and then we dont put them to use. Never fear, I have! I have made quite a few meals, organized a few areas of my house, and come up with some great activities to do with the kiddo. Hubs has learned well, any time I come up with a "great new idea" his first response is- did this come from pinterest? He even jumped on the band wagon and got an account. He doesnt use it but it does allow him to see my christmas list for this year- hint hint babe.

Its also been great for my photography biz! I may have stolen a few poses and watched tons of great tutorials. Of course its there for a good laugh too.

So yesterday we were bored and cranky. I pulled up my kids stuff page and found THIS little gem I had saved months ago. I have to say it worked out really well and we will most certainly be doing it again. The proof is in the pictures.

holiday happenings

2011-12-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe that this year is little mans third christmas, by far the most fun yet too. He is still pretty unsure of Santa and prefers that all decor including the bearded man in red stay far away from our house but thats fine by me. I am welcoming a more Christ centered holiday this season as we are feeling extremely grateful for all that we have and the little bundle of joy that will be arriving any time now.

I cheated this year and had all of our christmas decor, tree included, up a few days before thanksgiving. We have been so busy and with the baby the last thing I wanted was to go early and not be ready leaving my house un-festive. Having a 2.5yr old is fun during the holidays! He is obsessed with it all.. the lights, the music, the nativity (okay just baby Jesus). Its bringing a renewed sense of fun and youthfulness to our holiday. It has been so long since I have had santa believing (or fearing I guess in this case) people in my house. I am so excited for him to open his presents Christmas morning and see his face light up and what we and santa brought him.

One of the favorite activities so far this season has been decorating ginger bread houses! We did one on thanksgiving with Mimi and Papi and then we found this awesome, pre assembled one at costco the other day so we did another last night! This kid is really good at this stuff let me tell ya.

Pretty sure the boys are making the exact same "concentration" face. Oh how the apple falls from the tree and rolls right back into the roots. Please excuse my fresh, no make up face. Its a common thing around here now. I tell myself I am just trying to give my skin a healthy break..

Cant believe Christmas is almost here!

this and that. happy weekend

2011-12-10T21:59:00.000-08:00

Gah I am in loves with him. I found these from back in september when we still had the a/c on and he could run around pretty much nude.. or totally nude whatever rocked his boat at the time. Its literally freezing temperatures here now and I cant get him to wear a coat or a hat for the life of me! Crazy kid. I totally understand now why you always see seemingly dumb teenage boys in shorts while its snowing. My boy runs HOT all the time.

I think its the combination of reading this hilarious birth story, watching far too many youtube videos and 1 Born Every Minute on lifetime but every time I fall asleep I dream of giving birth. Its almost making me more tired when I wake up. Every time I am drug free in the water.. all natural granola style and totally opposite of my awesome "birth plan" I dont know what gives but its pretty crazy. I havent really planned to go that natural route, or really any route but pretty sure there wont be a birthing pool in my room THIS time.... ;)

Getting ready to start week 38.............................

Happy weekend friends! Oh and have you all downloaded PATH to your phones yet? Its pretty sweet. It makes us proud android carrying gals feel cool even thought we still cant get instagram though I read a news release thats its coming soon! Anyway go find us, Ryan and I upload pics and thoughts all day. It will be worth your while.

for new baby boy

2011-12-07T12:13:00.000-08:00

I go through phases where I have SO much to write about I literally keep a running list of topics on a note pad because I come up with 50 things a day. Other times I have dry spells where I realize its been over a week and I havent pulled out my camera once and have nothing really to say.

I still havent pulled out my camera but I have been thinking about our little baby boy for a while now, he has seemed to consume my thoughts and dreams every moment for the last week. I was planning on blogging more about and for him during this pregnancy but super cool big brother has taken center stage. Regardless I love both of my boys beyond words already. I feel so blessed to be their mother.

To my sweet little jelly bean, mommy loves you SO much. I havent held you in my arms yet but I have held you in my belly and in my heart for the last 9 months. You are so apart of me and who I am. You represent a new beginning for this family. I have no doubt that you are coming to us exactly when we needed you the most. Barely 4 lbs and still havent taken your first breath yet you have tied our family together again and have saved us. For that we will always be grateful. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he sent you to us last April. In a few short weeks I will get to kiss your perfect cheeks and tell you face to face how much I love and cherish you. I cant wait.

You have an amazing big brother and an amazing daddy to come to as well. You are so lucky to have these guys in your life, they love you too! Today you were getting checked out at the doctor and Ryan was so excited when he got to hear your heart beat and kept yelling BABY! over and over. Last night he rubbed my belly and told you to get out so you could come play with him.

I know you have to cook a little while longer and get some sweet little baby chunk on you before you are ready for us but baby boy, let me tell ya, we are SO ready for you.

birth plan

2011-12-03T21:59:00.001-08:00

There is always lots of talk about a mothers "birth plan" in the late stages of pregnancy. Music? Candles? Yoga ball? Pain meds or drug free? Then there are the classes, hypno-birthing, lamaze, bradley method and so on. Personally I have done none of this. My birth plan consists of:

Go to hospital

Get epidural while still in the parking lot ;)

Watch netflix on my xoom and sneak bites of food when my nurses are gone

When they pull out the stirrups I will start to push

Hug my sweet baby boy tightly and tell him over and over how much I love him and call it a day!

Good plan right? Maybe not, we shall see when we get there. I have never gone into labor before and really have no idea what to expect. I have read tons and watched far too many youtube videos. I have also witnessed a birth. I feel like things are going to happen the way they are and there isnt much I can do about it. Maybe I am wrong. But all I care about it having a healthy baby safe in my arms. I am not too particular on how it happens (I am still wanting a vbac though!)

I am almost 37 weeks and cant believe how fast and slow its going at the same time. I have been pregnant for NINE months! I am hoping to start dialating slowly and have this baby before christmas. I am not crossing my fingers too tightly because at 39 weeks with Ryan I still had no signs of labor but we shall see. My heartburn might actually be killing me and my belly is getting bit and my maternity pants too tight. Its like climbing Everest to carry Ryan up the stairs! I have never had a baby be head down before and it feels so weird, the insides of my legs are so sore all the time like I have been working out or something. I can point out at all times where his little bum is and he makes snow angels all day, you can see his arms and legs swimming around on my sides. I love it.

None of us can wait to meet our newest addition we love him to pieces already.

I love the 90's

2011-11-29T23:41:00.001-08:00

Every now and then a little gem like this will be passed around on facebook. Pretty sure I saw it from my lovely friend Courtney from The Mommy Matters. I about died laughing while reading it all out loud to hubs who only half chuckled at a few of them. Sheesh, men...

Ten things the 90's kids will have to explain to their children.

source

1. Topanga was at some point in human history considered not only a legitimate first name for a human being, but the kind of name that would inspire in malleable teenage boys a life-long infatuation. Topanga, in our day, was leading lady name-material. Topanga (pronounced Tah-payne-ga, for those who will have only ever seen in it written down) is the name of the quintessential girl-next-door who will live, along with Feeney, in our hearts forever.

2. At some point, we carried around little plastic eggs with tiny screens on them — in these screens lived our hearts, our pets, our raison d’etre, our very own Tamagotchi. We loved them, we listened to their tiny electronic screams of malnourishment, and we occasionally forgot to pick up their poop for long enough that they died a tortured, poop-filled death. They were perhaps our first foray into the life-consuming world of electronics and self-absorption, later to be fully manifested by Facebook.

3. The black Power Ranger was black and the yellow Power Ranger was Asian because…we were so completely ahead of our time and beyond the capacity to even think in terms of something as inconsequential as race that… uh… I don’t know. Casting directors were racist in the nineties.

4. Long before he was spending his days foisting his mediocre children on us, Will Smith was actually the perfect human specimen. He also undoubtedly holds some world record for saving the world the most times while simultaneously delivering flawless catchphrases and giving cool guy nods to the camera. The Men In Black rap song, at the time, was created and received by the public without the slightest trace of irony. Really. He was that good.

5. In some inevitable shift of the time-space continuum in which James Cameron continues to rob humanity of all that is good and sacred in this world, Fern Gully will be known as that movie that ripped off Avatar. It will be up to us to crusade for what is right. It is up to us to explain that Fern Gully was not only a predecessor to Avatar, but far better, in that it contained both Tim Curry as a singing pile of molasses and Robin Williams rapping about animal testing in the pharmaceutical industry. (As a side note, if you have not recently listened to the full lyrics of the “Batty Rap,” I recommend you do, as they are horrifying.)

6. A neighborhood boy who completely disregards your family and puts a ladder directly under the teenage girl’s window to climb up at his discretion is not only acceptable, it’s charming. It’s the kind of stuff that would make said family take the ladder boy under their wing and into their heart. The nineties were a simpler time, one where we didn’t have to worry about things like breaking and entering. Clarissa today would have steel bars on the inside of her window and her father would continually remind her that the next-door boy with his ladder and his touchy hands have no place in his household.

7. Though on the surface, they are the exact same thing in every conceivable way, whether you liked The Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC said more about your character than all of the terrible macaroni art you could ever make for your child psychologist. Essentially, liking *NSYNC meant you liked Justin Timberlake, as he was clearly the Seabiscuit in that race from the get-go. You even liked him with his terrible, icy-blond mini-fro. Liking the Backstreet Boys gave you a bit more of a cultured palate, as there was no clear Diana in those Supremes. Nick was kind of the wholesome, if northern-Florida-redneck safe choice (save for his humiliating younger brother, Aaron). Brian was the shy, sensitive type. AJ was the hottt, dangerous meth addict. Kevin Richardson was mute with sexy, sculpted facial hair. No one liked Howie. Choosing between the two groups was like choosing between two beloved children, but once that line was crossed–there was no going back.

8. “I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahh,” has a meaning, and all true nineties kids know it, but we must never share it. Like the Illuminati, it must remain between us, the keyholders. With great power comes great responsibility.

9. Lisa Frank is not the name of a woman, it is the name of a movement, a culture, a way of living. It is a theory, a concept, a belief in something greater than yourself. It is the belief that all girls are entitled to dolphins covered with rainbows, jewel-encrusted frogs, and unicorns in acid-trip colors hugging each other. It is the ideology that no notebook is complete until it literally hurts your eyes to look at from so much color saturation. It is the hope that no school supply, no matter how insignificant, will be left un-bedazzled. It is the knowledge that your eraser cap, and that of your granddaughter’s, and her granddaughter’s after her, will not be some boring little nub–it will be a diamond covered with butterflies in a rainbow of colors. It is the dream of a better tomorrow.

10. Incredibly depressing women in Indiana covered in cats and glass figurines they buy at The Hallmark Store used to troll the web 1.0 to invest thousands of dollars in tiny stuffed animals filled with plastic beans. That happened. Beanie Babies were not just significant, they were the first example most of us had of envy, greed, and wrath. If someone messed up that little heart-shaped Ty tag, so help you God, that was the end of whatever contact you had with that monster of a human being. That tag-less Beanie Baby was now trash, and you had to deal with the consequence. It was at that moment, that de-valued Beanie Baby moment, that most of us accepted the truth… we’ll never have nice things.

Ahhhhhhhh the 90's were grand, I miss them now. I found some old beanie babies and gave them to Ryan who requested that I take the tags off. I did reluctantly while my soul cried out in pain. I also at one point was going to name my beloved first daughter, Topanga, because it was just SO darn beautiful. Good thing for us we will probably have all boys ;)

thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-26T00:16:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving 2011 was much like 2010. I cooked at my house along side my wonderful mama while the boys napped, played around, and watched a movie. There was the parade and the dog show on as well! This year we did have a few changes, Ryan actually ate at the table, charger under his plate and all. We were of course in our new house and had much more room to enjoy each others company unlike last year in the apartment.

In the spirit of the holiday season Ryan decorated his first gingerbread house while the turkey was in the oven. It was cold and rainy outside but the scene inside was heavenly. I wish my sisters could have joined us but I was grateful to spend the day with my 2.5 boys, my parents and my brother.

2011:

thankful for

my faith and God

modern medicine

healthy, thriving, beautiful toddler

healthy, thriving, beautiful baby in utero

hard working husband

new home

new friends

new business

family near and far

answered prayers

and for the little things

apple cider

fav reds starbursts

leg warmers

pedicures

baby bump that holds up my cereal bowl

body pillows

Up All Night for making my marriage feel normal

new bumbleride double stroller

pretty pictures

epidurals

God gave me you

2011-11-21T23:09:00.000-08:00

I dont talk about hubs much on the blog. I have my reasons, but today I just wanted to change gears a bit. Babe, this one is for you.

2 and a half

2011-11-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

On November 19th by baby boy turned 2 and a half. He doesnt know he did, but it was a big milestone for me. When people ask how far apart my boys will be I say with a smile 2.5 years. Well that is now. Baby is coming soon and Ryan is now closer to being THREE than he is to 2. Time is flying by so quickly and I wish I could bottle this up and keep it forever.

Its no lie that 18 months to a little after his second birthday were rough. Thank heavens I can finally join the ranks of mama's who LOVE having a toddler because, folks, I do. He is amazingly awesome. We rarely have to do time outs, he is talking and hanging out with me like a friend, and he is sleeping good (at the moment that is always subject to change) He is always trying to be big like mommy and daddy. From cooking in the kitchen to unlocking the car to "doing his homework" and making me leave the bedroom. He is growing and happy and healthy and I LOVE it. We have so much fun together.

favorites

food: pb&j sandwiches, apples, bacon

song: old mcdonald

tv show: sesame street

movie: alice in wonderland

to wear: super grover t shirt with underwear on his head

to read: moo baa lalala and red hat, blue hat

to play with: balls and puzzles

color: yellow

favorite parent: yia yia (I just asked him this as a joke!)

animal: hippo and "e i e i o" so anything on a farm

loves to

hold his taggy blanket

sleep in my bed

eat at restaurants- ikea, panera, olive garden, and ihop

go to the chiropractor for his "pops"

video chat with friends and family

be naked

take really long baths

use the garage door opener

feed the fish

take long naps??!! Its a miracle and I am not going to complain.

say his prayers

cuddle on the couch

help me cook

say the alphabet and count to ten

hates

getting dressed 90% of the time

changing gears without warning and not finishing a task

eating all his food

getting out of the bath

pooping on the potty

sharing his toys at yia yia's house

going to nursery

having to ride in the "baby seat" with the buckle in the shopping cart

stats

26 lbs

size 4 diapers

2T clothes

8 shoe

a week in phone pics 2

2011-11-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

We have 2 weeks here actually. Saturday I will start doing one at a time AND come up with some cute template for all these pictures so it doesnt take 10 years to scroll through.

Pictured:
OB appointment means candy for Ryan
new jawbone for ME
naked toddler in the snack cabinet, dont ask me how I have no idea.
ryan and then mommy (taken by ryan) at a very early morning starbucks date
waking up from a pretty epic nap (4 hours!)
getting baby boys room ready- super cute car seat cover I was given at my shower
testing out the bumbo seat, yes he still fits
at gymnastics practice and had to call 911 for one of my girls who thought it would be cool to NOT eat or drink anything then practice for 2 hours at 7 am then pass out and have a cardiac arrhythmia. she is okay!
hour long baths are going to be the death of me but he loves it, cold water and all
BIG 35 week belly

Go link up with AMY and join the fun!

ryan-isms vol. 2

2011-11-18T05:05:00.000-08:00

I thought I would be better at this, ya know a once a week kind of thing. I did the first one and then I dont think he said anything funny for a while. Maybe its pregnant brain who knows.

Yesterday he woke up and decided to call me BABE all day. Really funny in public let me tell ya.

Trick or treating- ryan is handed a brown pack of standard m&m's. He hands them back to the man and says "no, me yellow" I guess he prefers the peanut ones.

A duck now says "tap tap tap"

The alphabet- I say a letter, he repeats...
a-a
b-b
c-c
d-d
e-e
f-f
g-g
h- nooo
i-i
j-j
k-k
l-l lalala
m-m
n-n
o-o
p-p
q- noooo
r-r
s-s
t-t
u-V!
v-v
w- nooooooo
x-x
y-y
z-z

It was only a matter of time before it happened.. he was in trouble and told me he wanted mimi (grandma) instead of mom. 10 points for her.

Anytime he toots he has to make it a public announcement by waving his hand in front of his face saying EWWWW. Half the time he will blame it on someone else. Imagine this scene in the target check out line.

and counting.

2011-11-15T14:28:00.000-08:00

Do you see that little baby ticker in the corner?! 42 days til due date! Hopefully less til we actually get to hold our little man. With everything going on I am holding out that I wont go the full 40. Now dont go telling me thats whats best and let him cook as long as he can, yadda yadda. I know all of that. I will ride this out til he is darn good and ready but I am hoping that he cooks fast and comes middle of December.

And speaking of lately, my son calls me babe and yells things like "Hey mom!" to me all day long, like a teenager or something. But then 5 minutes later he is working out his imagination by pretending to be a puppy, he only barks and crawls around and will only answer to doggy Ryan.

We are kind of trying potty training again, He wears underwear at home during the day and if we are going on a quick errand. He still doesnt really like telling me when he has to go so I just take him every hour. Its not really trained but oh well. I am not going to push it, when he's ready he will do it.

The big bed in his new room is going GREAT. He is for the most part staying in bed, we just threaten to put up the baby gate at his door if he gets up and he hates the idea of that enough to where he stays put. He loves having a HUGE bed with all his pillows and blankets and stuffed animals.

Between hubs working full time, in his MBA program, me coaching gymnastics and running my own business, church responsibilities, 3x a week at the chiropractor, every other week and soon to be weekly OB appointments, Ryan, being pregnant, the holidays, and of course that little thing we like to add in called family time, it is MADNESS around here!

In the midst of it all I was thrown a beautiful baby shower over the weekend, we are so loved and spoiled! I will post pictures soon.

6 weeks til baby.... counting down its going so fast and slow all at the same time.

3.5 of us. family photos

2011-11-07T16:55:00.000-08:00

My sister in law is a photographer and came out from Minnesota for a weekend visit, while she was here she snapped some family photos for us. We barely made it out to the location before the sun was gone, I wasnt planning on daylight savings! But we did manage to get some photos I am in LOVE with.

Photos taken by Paisley Ann Photography and edited by me.

Belly- 33 weeks
Ryan- 2.5

super hero mom

2011-11-05T23:46:00.000-07:00

I rarely capture Ryan, just being Ryan anymore. We seem to be so busy in the day to day. Lunches, target trips, "Moo, Baa, Lalala" before nap time and so on. Here is my big boy playing with his farm. We sang Old Mcdonald at least 15 times.

Apparently when I had him I became a super hero with magical healing powers. I have always been the one to make things better, to calm his colic, cuddle the grumpies away, kiss his imaginary and real boo boo's. I am called on to get things off the top shelf, to change batteries, and cut up food into bite size pieces. To him, Mommy can do it all. There is nothing I cant help him with or make better.

Til lately. He loves raw pasta noodles yet he doesnt understand why I cant put them back together when he breaks them. Our portable dvd player died today and it broke his heart when I told him I couldnt fix it. When helium balloons lose their gusto there is nothing I can do but pop them and toss them in the trash. I cant fix it all even though he thinks he can.

I hope I dont let him down too much over his lifetime. I hope that once he gets that broken pasta is broken pasta and its not the end of the world he will still have faith in me. I hope he still comes to me for a healing hug, I hope he trusts me with his secrets, hopes, and fears. I hope he lets me give him advice.

I hope I can still be his super hero with magical powers, even when has out grown my lap and is big enough to change his own batteries and reach stuff on the top shelf.

snap shots from the webcam

2011-11-04T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hubs and I are geeky parents. We have a webcam in Ryans room we can access from our tv's, phones, and laptops. Maybe more creepy than geeky but oh well. With how bad he sleeps its nice to know what hes up too in his room...

I should go take it away but I am scared to wake him up!

middle of the week phone dump

2011-11-02T16:09:00.000-07:00

I always take pictures with my phone but have yet to link up to a week in phone pics with amy. I am going to start fresh next week but this requires some phone dumping. In no particular order..

watching daddy from upstairs in the mall. sleeping little man. babysitting by the tablet while mommy works. pinterest inspired project. giving baby what he wants- salted caramel hot chocolate. really awkward belly shot baby was trying to climb out. naked little man after bath. the grossest picture ever- found out my target has pizzas and in a pregnant moment had to buy one asked ryan to take a picture saying pizza and instead he shoved his finger up his nose.

well there you have it. I will be back next week with more!

mama bear and pregnancy hormones.

2011-11-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

*hey google reader friends, we have a new blog design come check it out!*

I am using my pregnant card quite frequently around these parts. I pull it when I have to go potty and we've only been in the car 2 minutes, when I am hungry for cereal and we are out of milk (thank you hubs!) when I have had a bad nights sleep and dont want to get up with Ryan, when I dont feel like cooking dinner or cleaning the house.

I think I am also using it lately with my parenting of Ryan. I am hormonal thats no lie. I am also a big mama bear. Dont mess with my baby, dont make him cry, dont make him scared... a you mess with my baby you mess with me kind of attitude. This is true for nursery at church, for babysitters, for grandparents, sometimes for daddy even. I dont want anyone messing with Ryans happy state. I dont want him uncomfortable or sad or scared or in pain. I dont want him to feel an ounce of it. I am always an advocate for my child but I have never been this big of a softy! I am blaming it on two key things-

Pregnancy: He isnt going to be my only baby much longer. I wont be able to drop it all for him and help him any time he wants or do whatever he needs in an instant. He is going to have to share my arms and my time. Thankfully I have learned already he can in fact share my heart. I am letting him soak up every moment of just US time for the next month and a half. I dont care what people say he is going to have to get used to sharing me eventually there will be no way around it. Why make him suffer now for no reason? Bring on the mama time :)

He is getting older: Call me crazy but I had an easier time with time outs, crying it out for bed, putting him in church nursery for 2 hours, and leaving him screaming in the babysitters arms when he was younger. I know it sounds weird because he is older now and more capable of dealing with these things. But folks thats the worst part. He is older now, more aware, and never forgets. He still talks about things we did 4 months ago like it was yesterday. I know that he remembers me leaving him for Hawaii and how hard it was to be apart for so long. He has had a really rough time being back, he is having more panic attacks in the middle of the night, he is scared when I walk out of the room, he sobs when I leave him with someone else. Some might not agree but I really feel like the things we do now will play a part in the older child/teenager/adult he will become. When he was 9 months old I didnt mind as much if he felt upset when we went on a date because he wouldnt remember the next day. I cant bear the thought that he will remember screaming in the sitters arms tonight as we went out (we ended up coming home early because I couldnt take it)

I have enough battles to deal with him already, he DOES cry and he DOES get upset during the day. I am not walking on egg shells I promise. But in my pregnant, hormonal, mama bear, paranoid opinion why make him go through that with anyone else when we already have enough of it between the 2 of us. We argue over eating, sleeping, and wearing clothes. I dont need anything else. I just want him to be as happy as he can at all times. And when he is not happy it makes me crazy, I get sweaty and my heart races. I kind of freak out really (of course when I have to put him in time out or whatever thats fine cause I was in control of it)

I am losing it I realize this. But I am pretty darn content being his super hero these days and making everything better. There is no greater feeling that him running into my arms with a big sigh of relief and a kiss on the cheek.

on my wall. pinterest inspired

2011-10-29T12:18:00.000-07:00

This is something hubs and I have always talked about for our family. Its not just about you, you are part of a team. I cant wait to make this and hang it on my wall.

via

because sometimes there are no words

2011-10-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

Ryan was crazy this morning! Running around the kitchen island in circles, growling and "scaring" me, singing silly songs, throwing things. It was mad house. So naturally I pulled out my phone to take a video. Then he calmed down. He is still just as fun to watch, for me that is. So if you care, here is a 2 minute video of Ryan, being Ryan.

I also realized I would fail if this was my day job. Sorry for the shaky quality.

tv

2011-10-27T10:35:00.000-07:00

because sometimes the couch isnt close enough.

29 months a big boy

2011-10-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

Ryan just passed the 29 month mark. I dont really refer to his age in months any more. He is 2 and a half now but for blog purposes here it is. 29 months my sweet boy!

A few days before we left for Hawaii, Ryan decided that he wanted to sleep in our guest room/spare room/future big boy room and we let him. The transfer went off without a hitch he LOVED his full size bed with extra pillows and blankets. Of course there was plenty of room for all his stuffed animals too so that was a plus. He slept in the bottom bunk at his grandparents house for a week, also without problems, but has had a hard time since he came back home.

He has been up multiple times every night, getting up each time to come into our bed and ask for all sorts of things. Food, milk, sesame street, to sleep with us.. There are times I am grateful that his bed is big enough for two because I have slept in there with him a few times to get him to stay put.

Okay back to my original point. He is growing up and growing up fast, again. He refuses most things considered for babies anymore. No high chair, no beeb (bib), no rocking chair, no crib. I wish that no diapers was thrown in there but not yet. He wants to pick out his own clothes and put on his own shoes. He doesnt want his sandwich cut up anymore he wants it "big boy style." I have to admit I jumped on the big boy band wagon with haste. I love seeing him in a new light and a new element. He seemed to be thriving with this new outlook on life.

So tonight caught me off guard. He didnt want to stay in his bed (no surprise there we have been fighting it for a week) and so the deal is, if you wont stay in your bed you have to go in the crib. Tonight he actually didnt mind it and asked me to sit in the rocking chair and watch him for a while like we used to. After a few minutes he told me he was ready to go back in his big boy room but wanted the rocking chair to come with us.

I sat there, almost 8 months pregnant and rocked my 2.5yr old son. Sure it was awfully uncomfortable but it was a little reminder that he may think he is all grown up but there is a part of my boy that will always be my baby and he wants it that way. So do I.

I look forward to rocking him again tomorrow.

30 weeks a reality check

2011-10-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

...................................... I have so many things I want to say, as I am driving down the road listening to Ryan sing about elmo in the back seat it all comes to me. The second I sit down to let the thoughts pour out, they freeze. Its mentally exhausting to keep it all inside when my brain is going every which way at all times. Its even more exhausting at times like these to make sense of it all in the form of written word.

I am really good at crying about it though, ask husband. I had a nice little session last night and it felt good. It was a big nasty ugly cry too, not the cute pat my eyes so my make up doesnt run kind. Snotty nose, messy hair. Yeah it was perfect.

I am 30.5 weeks pregnant as we sit here and I as I laid on the ultrasound table this week I heard words I have never heard directed at me during pregnancy. "He is head down in the birthing position." My arms shot up in a touchdown. Heck yeah baby! This is what I wanted... right? I wanted a VBAC, I wanted to experience birth the other way, the way I never did with Ryan. I had prepared myself the last few months for another c section when week after week baby boy was stuck in the breech position. I had gone down this road with Ryan before. I had even picked a delivery date for this little guy.

But now that a VBAC is actually possible and in my very near future I am petrified. I hate not knowing and waiting around. I hate the uncertainty, I hate not knowing exactly when this baby will come. I hate the fact that I am sacred of it.

With so much uncertainty now of WHEN he would be coming I started looking around and making metal notes of all the things I need and want to get done. Natural nesting of course. Re paint bookshelves, hang curtains, get emergency kits put together, and so on. I have been taking care of my little family okay for the last 8 months. I do the laundry, I make sure there is food in the fridge but anything above and beyond basic needs has been put off for some other day. That other day is here. This baby could come in 4 weeks (my mother was about that early with all her babes) or he could come in 10. The term panic only begins to describe my feelings.

Its like my world is crashing down around me.Is it possible for postpartum depression to start while the baby is still in utero? I feel like it kicked in the morning of week 28 and the start of my 3rd trimester. I was expecting if after but this is another loop I have been thrown and its knocking me off my feet. I have whined relentlessly about hating being pregnant and wanting to be done and have him here already but now I just wish I could buy more time. More time to get my home in order, more time to get myself figured out (what kind of mom do I really want to be anyway?) and more time with my first baby.

I feel like I need 10 more years with just Ryan. He is back to not sleeping and its wearing on all of us so badly. I have ~~morning~~ all day sickness again and heartburn to boot, not to mention a very active 3 pound baby taking up space in my midsection. I cant run on no sleep. I am stressed, I am scared for the future, I am constantly worried I am ruining the child I already have.

And that is a portion of whats on my mind as I am driving down the road. Pray that we all get some sleep tonight, this mama needs rest.

xoxo

pumpkin patch

2011-10-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

Even though we were still recovering from jet lag and the flight from hawaii we were so happy to be back with our boy that we took him to the pumpkin patch last night! Last year we drove across state lines and went to a HUGE patch and it was nice but this year we were looking for something a little low key- perfect for someone little. Right down the road from us was the perfect farm.

We found 4 "little" pumpkins adding up to a whopping 57 pounds! We were ready to walk with 3 but Ryan wanted to get one for the baby :)

We will wait to carve them til we get closer to halloween... speaking of halloween I have no clue what we are dressing up as! I need ideas!

babymoon in hawaii

2011-10-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

Hubs parents took all their kids, 3 couples to Ohau for a week. It was an amazing trip and we are so blessed to have amazing parents. While we were gone my parents watched Monkey and kept a blog about all the fun. To read about his week click here.

We had a wonderful time with hubs siblings and their spouses. We saw pretty much all of the island! Lots of time in the car but it was beautiful. We went to the Polynesian Cultural Center, Pali Point (the highest spot on the island with gale force winds!) the LDS Hawaiin temple, and snorkeling at lots of different beaches.

Everyone NOT pregnant or recently pregnant (my SIL just had a baby 2 months ago) got scuba certified and went on a few diving trips. It has become a passion of hubs lately and it was great to see him loving every minute of it while I sun bathed on the boat.

Staying in Waikiki was fun. It is like the LA of hawaii and constantly hustling and bustling there were people, restaurants,and shopping everywhere. If we ever go back to Hawaii we will try to find somewhere more low key to stay but it was nice to be able to walk everywhere and see all the sights so easily this time.

Are you sick of pictures yet? Just wait there is more..

we are cool parents.

We loved our week away but are SO SO SO happy to be back home with our little man. Its not quite the same when we are apart.

abc's and home school

2011-10-08T23:09:00.000-07:00

I have talked about our decision to homeschool a little before and as talk of preschool starts popping up with his peers and Ryan inching closer and closer to the kindergarten age I have thought about it a lot lately. In this house learning and "school" isnt something that will start one chilly day in September when he is 5. It is a lifestyle. It is and will be something that is just part of our every day. We are already on our way.

One of our favorite activities is playing with the Banana Gram tiles. He knows all the letters pictured above!

my 2 yr old reads my blog

2011-10-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

We have been working on letters and number for a while now but I had no clue that he was actually reading until today. He must have gone on the computer while I was taking a potty break or eating breakfast and read how wonderful and sweet he has been and decided that was just crazy cakes.

Today the crazy, whinny, unstoppable ryan reared his not so cute head and OH baby I am ready for bed! Well I have an icky sick bug so I have been ready for bed since I got up this morning.

We went to our go-to list of things to do on days like this. Target and the mall where daddy's store is. Everything in between was poor parenting on my part because I let the xoom tablet take care of him most of the day. shhhhh dont tell.

High lights were getting my Zofran filled for FREE because they didnt have the whole prescription?! Go target pharmacy!

The lady at Mcdonalds in the food court telling me the meal I requested came with 2 cheeseburgers and if this was okay... um take a guess?!

Hub's manager taking one look at me stuffing down my 1st burger and saying "holy cow that (the belly) happened fast" why yes, I do feel like a cow, thank you.

However being as big as a farm animal has its perks.. I am sitting here typing away and watching my belly roll and wiggle non stop! Baby boy has been on the go constantly the last 2 days. I feel like this is a sign of things to come.

Ryan being a rockstar at the chiropractor this morning and insisting on getting adjusted on the grown up table instead of the one painted like an elephant. Afterward he strengthened his neck like daddy...

Okay today wasnt THAT bad after all............. :)

leaving my baby

2011-10-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

If you have been reading for a while you know that I have my parenting up's and down's just like everyone else. Ryan and I go through phases where we are the best of buddies and then sometimes we go through rough patches where we want nothing to do with each other and want to run the other way screaming. Literally. I keep telling myself this is totally normal and not to feel like a failure. Yes. This is totally okay for me to go through these phases... right?

At this particular phase of life it is the BEST of times. Sure he is still Ryan, he is still clingy, he is still whinny, he's still two. But we are loving the groove of our days. We love watching elmo as we eat breakfast together and getting ready together in the morning. He is a whiz with the hair dryer. We love running errands together and holding hands across the parking lot. He is awesome at looking both ways for cars before we cross and saying noooooooooo vroom mama, GO! Lunch and naps rock. We are perfect at cuddling for naps in my bed every afternoon. We cook dinner together and play silly games during bath time.

Dont get me wrong its a LOT of time together. I cant honestly say that doing the same things a year ago wouldnt have driven me up a wall but something in me has changed. I love my time with monkey, I look forward to the mornings when he runs in my room and kisses me good morning. I cherish nap time everyday because I get to roll over and see the sweet little suckle his mouth makes as he is falling asleep. I love that he asks to "hup me" make dinner.

Things are about to change for us and our relationship will have to make some adjustments but for now I am soaking up every moment I have with just my little man, he really is my best friend. I am going to miss him so much when we go on vacation next week.I know that my parents will take amazing care of him and he will love being there but there is a part of me that will wonder if he is asking for me, if he is wondering why mama is coming to get him after the first few days. I am already looking forward to our reuniting hug at the end of our trip.

28 weeks

2011-10-05T00:29:00.000-07:00

Offically into the third trimester and I again realize that I hate being pregnant. I love, love, love having babies so it is sort of a problem. Reasons I hate being pregnant include and are not limited to-
nausea (STILL!)
leg cramps
insomnia at night
headaches
back aches
constipation (dont pretend like it didnt happen to you!)
peeing every 30-45 minutes (I would get so much more done if this wasnt an issue)
swelling hands and feet
jiggly butt
belly button poking out like mt. everest
cant sleep on my back
heart burn
hair. lots of it. everywhere
cant reach my feet to put socks and shoes on
braxton hicks so bad I cant breathe
cant bend over to pick up ryan or unload the dishwasher
climbing in and out of the car is like an olympic sport
walking up stairs feels like running a marathon
prenatals make me barf
CRAZY dreams
my babies getting stuck in breech positions
baby trying to claw his way out of my body, his moving around is SO painful, not sweet and cute
boobs a little further south than before.
the smells.... oh the awful smells of everything.
crying over everything

This is a pretty accurate depiction of how I felt all day. Good bye second trimester, you were okay. I hate you third tri but one step closer to holding my other boy in my arms. 11 weeks. Hells yes.

And crazy me I will most likely do this again in a few years.... oh dear.

ryan-isms

2011-10-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

Gone are the days where I have a mute for a child and I worry constantly about his ability to communicate in English. We never did speech therapy, against the pediatrician's orders, because I had this mommy feeling deep down in my gut that he was going to be fine and he needed to do it like everything else. On his terms, in his way, in his own time.

So now we are starting this new phase of life. One where he will not shut up for the life of me. He is quite funny too :) I am planning on opening a blog post at the beginning of each week called ryan-isms and then when he says something crazy I can just put it here and post it at the end of the week! It will be a great way to look back at the crazy things he says.

This week we've seen and heard lots. Some of this I will have to describe because he still signs a lot.

His favorite new phrases are "oh no" and my favorite "oh baby!" over everything

He grabbed the toy dr kit and lifted up my shirt and used the stethoscope on my belly to check on the baby. He told me the baby was big and happy then then he rubbed my tummy really hard as to give the baby a back rub.

Walking up the driveway to Yia Yia's house he said "mama up me no *lick lick* woof" meaning hold me I dont want the dogs to lick me when we walk in.

During lunch he ate half his sandwich (he calls it pop?) for Ryan and the other half for the baby in his belly, indicating between each bite who it was going to.

Me- ryan say ball
Ry- boll
Me- say go
Ry- go
Me- say good
Ry- HAPPY!

Also starting tonight every time I say thank you he yells THANKS BABE!

Showing off his loot from the toy vending machine. All these balls for a buck, cant beat that. Stay tuned next week for more crazy toddler talk and join the fun if you want. Leave a comment with a funny thing you're child has said and I will feature it in next weeks post!

how you know your kid isnt little anymore

2011-10-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

He graduated from the cute beginning walker shoe table to the big, running, kicking, climbing, BIG boy shoe table at Nordstrom.

We went to see daddy at work and decided to head upstairs to the little kids shoes to get a balloon and get Ryans feet measured. I try to do it every 4 months or so because it seems he grows out of his shoes that fast. Sure enough a size 7 to almost an 8.5!

I rushed over to the usual table of cute little toddler boy shoes and said I want to try these ones. The cool hip sales guy said "umm he is over HERE now" The options werent as cute but he told me to trust him.

I knew I would either love these or hate them. After a few minutes of walking around we were both in love and went home with them and 2 balloons :)

One more reason my baby is a BIG KID!

Why I dont allow spongebob

2011-09-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

Earlier today a debate on Spongebob came up on my facebook feed came up and I figured this was an appropriate place to share my views. In no way am I trying to convince people to swing this way this is my blog and I will talk about what I want. If you dont like it or are offended then click that little red X up in the corner and walk away :) Thank you!

The other day we were skimming through Netflix with Ryan and he started flipping out asking and pointing at the TV yelling BOB BOB! Hubs and I had no clue what he was talking about til I put the puzzle pieces together in horror. Spongebob. My sweet, innocent, pure minded little boy has caught the spongebob square pants fever and I am NOT okay with it. We dont allow it in our house and hes not allowed to watch it anywhere else so I am really frustrated that somehow he knows this little yellow dude by name and even came over while I started typing this and said "me bob bob mom!" I feel like I cant let him out of the house now. I am supposed to have control over what he is exposed to for a few more years, I am relishing in his innocence and what baby-ness is still left.

I had a few people pipe up with why spongebob? My kids watch it and love it! Ryan loves candy and could eat it all day long that doesnt mean its good for him and I will let it fly. Thats great for you guys, as parents we get to decide what we will expose our kids to and what we chose not. Its my parental right to ban certain things from my home. Things I also ban include any sort of toy gun or anything weapon related among other things. We have firearms in our home locked away safe and in my mind they are not things to be confused with toys. Just like spongebob is not age appropriate for babies and toddlers. Dont believe me... read this lovely gem I was sent today by one of my favorite rock star mama's.

Reasons I hate bob bob include and are not limited too crass humor, potty and fart jokes, bad attitude, and over all negativity. There is only a little part of me that doesnt like it because its annoying. Hells bells, have you watched Gabba lately? People tend to group them into one category of "I let my kids watch this or I dont" but for me they are different. No one ever belches or hits each other or yells NO in defiance on gabba. Sure they are silly and somewhat irritating but the episodes are kind and educational. Now if you dont want your children watching it more power to ya I dont care.

I dont think its age appropriate for children and extremely inappropriate for babies and toddlers. Lets let our kids stay little, be silly, be kind, enjoy simple things in life. They have a lifetime of burping and and farting and other crap to deal with. We personally deal with pooping and farting enough already in this house and if his beloved bob bob can do it in squidworths face then why would it not be okay for him to do it in mine? There are so many other things to watch on TV that are happy, uplifting and encouraging why not fill their time with those shows if they are going to watch TV in the first place.

All of the other things I want to say on the subject I wont, be happy about that. I am one fire up mama at the moment.

wordless wednesday

2011-09-28T00:29:00.000-07:00

ouchie mama

2011-09-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

Today was a huge mama fail and every time I think about it I cringe. We were making dinner, Ryan and I both had our aprons on even. Somehow he had turned on the toaster oven and put in a rubber lid opener (like the ones you use when a lid is on really tight?) I grabbed it out as fast as I could and it melted all over both our hands. Ryan got the worst of it by far and broke out in horrible hives and was screaming so loud. I rushed over to the sink and under the cold water peeled the rubber off his hands and started soaking it in ice. Poor boy couldnt stop crying and screaming "hot mama!" We were both crying soon after. It took about an hour of convincing him that the water was helping his hand to feel better but eventually we just sat on the couch and took turns icing our burns. One of the blisters already popped and he has a few other ones still, one of them is so big I had to take pictures. He keeps telling me "ouchie hand"

These were taken about 3 hours after he got burned. Pray he feels better soon and he can sleep tonight! :(

A to Z about me

2011-09-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

Well since everyone is doing it, I am too :) Here is a little bit about ME.

A. Age: 24
B. Bed size: Queen and if you ask me its not big enough, we sleep with ryan alot and I like my space. I want a tempurpedic KING
C. Chore that you hate: DISHES. I hate them so much I make hubs do it. I call it his one contribution to the household chores and he is okay with that. Thanks babe!
D. Dogs: I prefer cats but we do have a dog, her name is Macy but she lives at my inlaws with the other doggies because I cant keep up with her needy demanding personality. I already have Ry :)
E. Essential start to your day: ZOFRAN. I cant get my head off the pillow without popping my pregnancy nausea pill.
F. Favourite color: Grey and mustard and WHITE. I know I am weird.
G. Gold or Silver: All of the above.
H. Height: 5'1"
I. Instruments you play: I can sight read music and kind of play the piano but not really well.
J. Job title: Mom/homemaker/blogger/photographer/coach (think thats why I am tired?!)
K. Kids: Ryan, 2 yrs and baby boy aka Jelly Bean due December.
L. Live: PNW
M. Mother's name: Momma, or Penny
N. Nicknames: Lu or lulu. Had someone call me lulabell once hence the name of my photography biz
O. Overnight hospital stays: giving birth to ryan and once last fall when they thought I had a brain tumor. Yeah that sucked.
P. Pet peeve: Um everything bothers me I am wound really tight not going to lie. For all your sakes I just try to take a deep breath every now and then.
Q. Quote from a movie: leches on the menjay - I Love You Man
R. Right or left handed: Right
S. Siblings: 2 sisters and a brother all younger than me
T. Time you wake up: around 8am.
U. Underwear: Yes? I wear them, what more do you want?
V. Vegetable you hate: Mushrooms. Is that even a vegetable?
W. What makes you run late: Sleep. I am NOT a morning person and then I also hate waking up so nap time is hard too. Yes I still nap.
X. X-Rays you've had: Leg, foot, hands, shoulder, neck, MRI's on my head and neck as well.
Y. Yummy food that you make: Curry chicken salad, paninis, bbq chicken pizza.... i love to cook.
Z. Zoo animal: Giraffes

Congrats you made it to the end. Please still want to be my friend. I will now bribe you with pictures of our day.

26 weeks awkward and awesome-ness

2011-09-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

I have been reading Sydney's Awkward and Awesome installment since she started and today is my first go at it. As I was going through the first half of my day I couldnt help but think of a few things that apply.

awesome: ryan playing with grandma all morning, hubs home from work for the next 4 days, going to the mall with hubs, childless, sipping salted caramel hot chocolate, and getting a 10 min chair massage.

awkward: wearing heeled boots and my feet wanting to fall off and limp away as soon as we got in the door of the mall, going tinkle right before we left and then having to go again as soon as we got there (its close enough to walk to btw) the closest bathroom being upstairs in Macy's in some creepy back corner near the couches and bedroom sets, asking every store if they have bathing suits and them looking at us like we are nuts, yes I know its almost October.

**********************************************************************************

I am 26.5 weeks pregnant today! Yahoo! Baby boy is viable, which is a term I hate cause it sounds awful and morbid but there is something about getting to this point that helps me breath a little easier and walk with an extra pep in my step. My body did it, we made it this far!

26 weeks:

weight gain- 17 lbs thank you to onion dip and poptarts, thankfully not together.

Still breech, have a feeling it will be the same as Ryan and never flip- getting used to the idea of maybe another c section though I am still bummed. My OB is working with the university hospital here on a new procedure to vaginally deliver frank breech (butt first) babies. He said if thats something I wanted to do we can see if thats an option for me. It freaks me out, NO way!

He doesnt really look like Ryan from his 3D ultrasounds and here I thought they would be twinsies. His nose it totally from MY side of the family, boooo.

Still sleeping like crappers, between heart burn, restless achy muscles, and just wanting to lay on my back its almost pointless some nights.

He is SO much lower than Ryan its crazy! I feel like I have to hold him in when I walk around. Ryan was high and in the front, this baby is LOW and in my back.

The best news of all is passing my glucose test with an 89! First time around with Ryan I got a 220 and didnt even have to do the 3 hour. I was told that I most likely had it again and thought from earlier sugar scores I did at home I was diabetic again but I AM NOT!! I ate a huge chocolate bar today in celebration.

I am starting to see lots of differences in them and I am kind of excited about it, it will be a whole new experience.

We also have a name picked out. I feel weird telling people that we do and we arent telling so then I tell some people and 75% of the time I get a bad reaction. SO I guess here goes. We have a name and YOU HAVE TO WAIT til hes born to hear it, people do it all the darn time so deal. Its not like its a weird one or anything..

:) Thanks for understanding!

wordless wednesday

2011-09-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

vacation!

2011-09-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

In less than a month hubs and I will be holding hands here.

source

Oahu baby. 7 days with hubs, the inlaws and his siblings. No kids. I am giddy with anticipation but also getting sad as I have never been away THAT long from Ry. I think the most is 4 days and it was hard! We were both ready to be together after 3... I will probably cry.

He can certainly drive me nutso but he is the other half of my heart and we need each other :)

28 months

2011-09-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

Ryan has done a lot of learning and a lot of growing this summer and now that we are back in hoodies and boots its time to look back and reminisce on the summer where my baby became a big boy. Today at the grocery store I hardly recognized him. It was like someone put me in a time warp and all the sudden I was standing in aisle 4 between the cream of mushroom soup rack and the pasta noodles. Here I was with a very functional, very talkative, very self sufficient child.

I still push my shopping cart back and forth in a rhythmic motion as I did for so long to keep my colicky baby somewhat happy but it is no longer needed. I remember carrying the big heavy infant seat across the parking lot, making sure I had extra burp rags and pacies in the diaper bag, and that I had recently breastfed as to avoid having to stop and find a couch somewhere. All the sudden there on aisle 4 I was snapped back to the reality of my life 2 years later as Ryan was kindly shouting at me to buy the Elmo soup so we could go home and put it in bowl to nom up.

So here we are my little 2 year old boy, here is what you have been up too-

wearing 2T clothes, though they are still a big big
size 4 diapers
size 7 shoes, almost 7.5
weighing in around 27 lbs and about 35" tall

talking non stop in your own version of english. The Elmo conversation with the soup? It went like this. "Mama! Me home! Ewmo, ewmo, me boll, ewmo nom nom!" Yes and your daddy and I understand every word of it. Its a miracle. I should be leaving a translation guide for the babysitter.
nom/eat- you're hungry
sign for orange means juice
me hup- help me or I want to help you
wawa- water
pop- pop corn OR sandwich OR anything that comes out of a toaster. mostly sandwich
hodod- hot dog
moo moo woof- macy the dog
growling sound- tiger, lion, bear, dinosaur, monster
hoo hoo- train OR hula hoop
mama candy- medicine
me hullo- phone
rio- all birds, or angry birds the game
ewmo- sesame street
sizzi- scissors or a knife. anything that cuts
shooom- car, airplane, or flying
shooom boom- fireworks
beep beep- alarm clock
nun!- done
ass- ice (yeah I know)
hop hop- bunny

The best part about you talking is you have such positive affirmation! Everything is "me (whatever you want) Uh Huh!" Like if you say yes after every request I will also say yes.. Its so cute so I usually do.

Currently your favorite toys are your train set, the toy story pop up tent, your toy kitchen, and matchbox cars. You LOVE sesame street and its all you want to watch at the moment, you are obsessed with all the characters, elmo and cookie monster are your favorite.

You have become a really picky eater. You eat at least 2 peanut butter sandwiches a day and anything else you eat you take 3 bites of and are done. You still drink TONS of water but are finally warming up to the idea of milk and love your vanilla soy.

Potty training is taking a break, we tried for the whole month of June because you had all the "ready" signs but it wasnt clicking. You are much easier for diaper changes now so I'll take it.

You started taking really long naps! It happened about 3 weeks ago and I am not holding my breath or anything but I am loving it and you are so much happier. They are usually 3 to 4 hours long. You are still sleeping 12 hours at night (waking up a few times and half the week ending up in our bed for a few hours) but still 8pm-8am.

You are still so curious about the world around you, constantly exploring, talking to strangers, hunting for stuff outside, helping daddy with his tools and fixing stuff. You love your friends and your family, we video chat with them a few times a week. You are still super awesome at our phones and computers.

You love to say your prayers, you tell me it makes Jesus happy. You wont eat your food til we pray and I am sorry to say that if I get super busy I toss the food on your tray and 2 minutes later there you are with your arms folding, scowling at me. You ask Heavenly Father to bless all our family (including your new baby) and all our friends and your taggy blankets every night before bed. You have such a sweet spirit. You LOVE mommy's tummy and talk about baby "es" (hehe thats all your getting of his name for now!) all the time, you remind me that there is a baby in there and tell me he is getting BIG. You pretend that your baby dolls are your brother and they take naps with you. You will be the best big brother ever.

Finally after 27 months you learned how to say NO. It is frustrating when everything that comes out of your mouth lately is no-no but we are working through it. I am just grateful you didnt figure it out sooner.

All in all big boy, you ROCK. You are so smart, so nice, so involved in our lives, so helpful.. we dont know what we'd do without you! We love you tons monkey :)

wordless wednesday

2011-09-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Okay I have one word....

Seriously?

a mothers love

2011-09-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

A mothers love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows now law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.
-Agatha Chrisite.

innocence is bliss

2011-09-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight we sat on the couch as a family, ate fresh from the oven oatmeal raisin cookies and watched 9/11- Ten Years Later. We talked to Ryan about the firemen as there were lots of them shown. I told him they were so strong and brave and he agreed. His sweet little soul could not comprehend what was happening in that film and I was grateful at that moment for his innocence.

To him all grown ups are strong, brave, and good. Everything is happy and everyone is safe. He knows not of the darkness and evil that dwells in this world. It will be my daunting task to someday teach him of the events of this day, this 9/11, and try to explain to him how people could chose so poorly and hurt so many. That they could go against all the many things we have been teaching him since he took his first breath.

But there is a glimmer of hope, I also get to teach him that people really can be super heroes. That they can be selfless and push through obstacles no one thought possible before they were looking at it, square in its big ugly face. I get to explain to him that on that day so many people lost their lives to serve and protect others, some they knew but most they didnt. He will learn that there are so many grown ups that really are strong, brave, and good. Then we will have a nice talk about how he can be that great too, that he is already on the road to becoming an everyday super hero. I am sure there will be some presentation of an super hero cape with a giant R on it as well.

But for now we will talk about how firemen and police men are strong and brave and we are so grateful for them and that's it. We will go on to have bedtime stories and sing songs about Elmo and hot dogs til the little two year old eyes are too heavy to keep open any longer and I lay his long lanky body in his crib for a peaceful night of sleep. Peaceful and safe because of all those other brave, selfless souls out there who will stop at nothing to keep it that way for us.

bottled energy

2011-09-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

I finally pulled out my camera to take some pictures of the little dude again. I will go through them and post some next week but for now you get a video. We got a micky mouse pool as a house/yard warming gift from some friends and he was just a little excited. Seriously he wears me out just watching this.

Then I found this one of his first try at Pop Rocks. Its a classic.

ebb and flow

2011-09-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

"to decrease and then increase, as with tides; a decrease followed by an increase, as with tides."

Its ebb and flow over here, just when I start to fill the good mom side of the scale the other side tries piling up as quickly as it can. I usually have a stash of pictures just sitting there in their folder waiting for a night like this when I just need to type away for a while with no real path way to follow. Its nice to break up the rambling of my heart with some sweet faced smiling little boy, or bare feet in the grass but tonight its just me and some words baby.

I have big dreams for these two boys of mine. I want big things for them. Not to full fill any need of my own but to see them suck every minute up they can of this big thing called life. I want to see them go through with minimal regrets, with scars that tell stories, and with memories burned so clearly in their minds that they share them with their grandchildren on a porch swing 60 years from now. I want them to have a passion for life and a fire in their souls.

I want them to be best friends. I have been watching Ryan play with his cousins this week and he loves them so much. He walks around holding baby K's hand and tries to keep up with older cousin C. He sits still on the couch and holds the other baby K while giving her sweet soft kisses. He will be the best big brother. At this moment baby brother is kicking away with gusto. I like to think he's agreeing with me. My boys love each other already. Today Ryan sat on the couch and felt the kicks of his brother while we watched sesame street. He gets it, he really does. Thats his baby in there.

I hope they grow up leaning on each other and the Lord. I hope they have an inseparable bond that gets them both though the times when mom and dad arent enough or arent around. That they can truly be an anchor for the other. So now the daunting task of making sure that happens or trying my darnest to see it through. How do I instill in my sons the important title that is "brother" and being part of something greater than yourself... being a part of a family unit that is forever.

okay I found a picture via

Any advice is much appreciated because I doubt myself. I doubt my abilities to raise stellar sons in this crazy world we are apart of. I do have big dreams but I need big plans to make sure they fall into place. I know my heart can hold enough love to tackle these two boys, but is there enough of me? Is there enough hours in the day and enough energy in my body to make it happen?

proof I am still alive...

2011-09-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

..but barely! Who else would have taken pictures of the chaos? Moving with a toddler and one in utero is no task for the weak or faint of heart. This move about killed me and the only reason I am sitting here is because my parents drove 3 hours down here yesterday to help. Why is it the kitchen takes the most time to do and then and only then you can move on to the rest of the house? It was madness let me tell you.

Packing up our apartment. People get sentimental when they move. "aww this is where he took his first steps and we celebrated his first birthday!" Heck no. Get me out of here......

hubs away at work while I bugged him with the camera.

Ryan thought moving was cool for a little while. He helped me put stuff in boxes and label them with scribbles of crayon while I did the important job like printing RYANS ROOM in huge easy to find letters on the top. He wanted to make sure he wasnt going to be left behind.

Getting into the new place was rough on the other hand. He spent most of the big day with a friend or at grandmas house so he missed the actual loading of the truck and taking away all his stuff. When we picked him up later that night (way past bed time) and took him to his new house he freaked out. Full on crazy style. He was so confused and kept running to the front door crying "ME HOME!" translated to "get me the crap out of here and take me to my house now" He did not understand this was our NEW house. See all of our stuff here? This is our couch, this is your bed, here are all your toys. He spent most of the night screaming and crying in our room to "go home" None of us slept. Remember how I said I dont get all sad when we move to a new place, leaving behind old memories? Well he was SO upset that at 4am I went down on the couch and had a good cry with him. How could I take him away from the only home he's ever known. He hates it here, I now hate it here. WHAT DID WE DO? We made the biggest mistake! Talk about pregnant hormones. I think I scared him with how hard I was crying too.

After a lot of praying that we would all feel settled and at peace in this new place, and once the sun came up our boy was quite happy here and it now feels like HOME.

The view from my stairs (holy cow my legs and butt are sore I am not used to those!)

Isnt it sad how this picture and the before in apartment picture look the same? We are slowly making progress thanks to many friends and family's help. Ry has enjoyed running up and down the stairs and playing in the fenced back yard (do you hear heavenly angels singing right now like I do? amazing.)

My feet arent as swollen and my back isnt as sore today and we made tons of progress yesterday. Seriously that kitchen about did me in. I am ready to tackle it again tomorrow and get the boys rooms set up, clean out the random boxes in our garage and start to DECORATE! I have been saving pages and pages on Pinterest (go check them out!) I am excited to finally start doing all that stuff. The next set of house pictures will be up in a few weeks!

in the mean time

2011-08-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah I said I was taking a break til we moved, but blogger, you are like a drug to me. I cant get enough of you sometimes. I found some pictures on a card while getting ready for a photo shoot in the morning..

reason 7,528 why my parents house ROCKS. Hot air balloons fly over every night low enough to talk to the people in the basket and wish them a merry time.

When did he grow up and turn into this big boyish kid? I think I only blinked for 2 seconds.

horribly out of focus but PROOF the boy can JUMP!

Okay busy weekend for us then its MOVING WEEK! See you on the other side....

pardon the dust

2011-08-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for being so sweet and keeping us in your prayers. IT WORKED. We have been looking at moving for a while now as our apartment lease is up at the end of the month, we were planning on renting a house til we are sure of where we want to settle down for the long haul. It felt like as soon as we found a great rental house that met all our requirements it was gone by the time I spoke to the owner. So Saturday morning we packed up the little dude and the check book to look at what I felt was the perfect house for us.

I didnt sleep much the night before and I was a ball of nerves the whole way in the car the next day. At one point I hollered back to Ryan to fold his arms because mama was going to say a prayer. I prayed my heart out that this house would feel like home and it would work out in our favor.

Well friends, our prayer was answered. We are signing our rental agreement and handing over money tomorrow. (I tried on saturday to throw money at the owner so he wouldnt give it to someone else but he said no!)

The house is beautiful and only 1.5 years old. We will be the second tenants! I cant wait to post pictures of it all in few weeks when we are settled. I feel like I can catch my breath for a bit now. Sure I have to pack, move and unpack in 90* heat while pregnant but WHO CARES. We have a home and thats all I wanted. Its been so scary no knowing where we would end up this fall and if we would have space for both our sweet little boys. I feel at peace finally. I am grateful for everyone who's helped us out and sent prayers our way, you are truly amazing.

So pardon the dust around here, lots of packing going on, we will be back soon.

worn out mama

2011-08-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

I wish I had some beautiful pictures or something lovely so say tonight. I am just so tired. I was feeling okay for a little bit there and now I am just dead and worn out! I had to tell my friend I wasnt able to watch her sweet little boy anymore too :( I am sad that he wont be coming over in the mornings but my belly is too big to hold babies and I am too exhausted an hour after I wake up to keep with the demands of 2 little boys right now.

I am trying to hard to keep a happy face for Ryan as "mommy happy!" is so important to him. He is the sweetest craziest boy ever and just wants everyone he is around to be in the best of moods. I feel like I am constantly failing him. I get short, I let the little things bug me, I get annoyed when he sits to close. And it kills me. I feel like a horrible mom most of the time and wish there was more I could do right now.

I keep telling myself to buck up but it aint happening easily. Between you and I dear friend, I am usually on some sort of mood stabilizing medication. I hate that I am a better person with a pill in the morning but its true. I cope better, I sleep better, I laugh easier,I focus better, I let things roll off my back. I took my medication without fear my whole first pregnancy and doubled the dose after Ryan was born to combat my postpartum depression. Then came the warning from the FDA that usage of SSRI's during pregnancy has shown to increase the risk of birth defects. So when I saw the positive pregnancy test this time I glanced over at the bottle on the counter and said a little prayer for me and my family for the next 8 months. I would be going without to give this boy the best chance at a healthy life.

Its been a struggle. When I feel myself sinking I cling to the little kicks I feel in my belly and know its for him. I am trying to be my best self and put my best foot forward for me, for my kids, and for the hubs who gets the brunt of all my crap. But if its okay to ask, I'd appreciate some good vibes and a prayer for us tonight.

I think we all just need a really big hug too. Or chocolate, which hubs just came home from the store with. Thank you babe.

helping hands

2011-08-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

The most used phrase at this house right now is "mama, help?" he has to help with everything from doing his hair to making his own scrambled eggs (video coming of that soon) I hear "mama help" non stop all day. At the market he wanted to help me push the stroller.

Go baby go.

Being resourceful.

This kid cracks me up I cant believe I grew him from scratch.

he threw up in the car.

2011-08-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

Lucky duck for you this picture has nothing to do with the story I am going to tell you. Dont be sad him sitting "zizi apple" or criss cross apple sauce is way better than covered in barf in the back of my car.

We left at the beginning of rush hour on Friday afternoon to head to Mimi and Papi's house for a nice weekend away. I was armed with snacks, chocolate milk, books, a baby doll, an Elmo, and the dvd player. No one was going to get in my way from point A to B. 30 minutes in my little ball of joy was screaming in the back seat that he wanted DEE (down) and he didnt want to go to Mimi's house anymore. I could manage because I was still cruising along a a sort of legal 75 mph. Then we hit bumper to bumper traffic. I had to tinkle, Ryan was still UHAHAUAHAUH (done) so I caved and gave him my phone to play an awesome preschool learning monkey game and it was peaceful once again minus the lack of bathroom issue for me.

About 20 min later the worst sound ever came from my back seat. I have said this before about screaming in the night in his crib or the temper tantrums in public but no friends this was far worse. Gurgling and spitting. I look back to see him projectile vomit the chocolate milk and popcorn he had been downing for the last 2 hours. He was still holding my phone which was now covered. It also made it up to the dvd player that was strapped the back of the passenger seat and all over him, the car seat, and the floor.

Shoot me now. It didnt stop, he barffed about 5 or 6 more times it was like a fountain it didnt stop. I was screaming and he was crying "mommy happy!" mid breaths. About an hour later (2 minutes really) when I got to pull over on the freeway I wanted to just curl up in a ball and wait for someone to come save me. I had no towels, I had no bags for dirty clothes.

I pulled him out and got myself covered in chocolatey goodness as well. The only logical place to put him was on the back of the car. Part of me was mad no one pulled over to help the other didnt blame them. I should have snapped a picture of my 2 year old naked on my car on the side of the freeway but my phone was still swimming in puke at the time. Then I rememered the wipes were IN my suitcase IN the back in the car so I picked him up nekkid and then with one arm had to open the trunk, take out the suit case, unzip it, and pull out clean clothes and the costco pack of wipes. I went through almost the whole pack to clean him and the car up. I found a box in the back seat that I put everything in- I was tempted to leave it all on the side of the road but opted for the trunk instead.

As I was getting him dressed a cop FINALLY pulled over and asked if I was changing a diaper. I yelled over the hum of passing cars I WISH. And made sure he was a dad before I let him come any closer. If he hadnt had kids this for sure would make him sterile the rest of his life. He gave ryan a barfy bag and taught him how to use it, and helped me get back on my way.

Now when he see's the barf bag he tells me how he threw up all over the place with really loud BLAH's. Thank you Ryan.

new photographer

2011-08-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

Ryan is building his photography portfolio. These are some of his latest pieces of work. Such talent huh ;)

This kid amazes me. My card on my phone is full of pictures hes taken. most of them have his finger in the way but he will grab any ones phone and be snapping pictures of everything in .2 seconds. I never let him touch my camera but since I was close (as you can see by the inside of my nose) I let him give it a whirl. He was beaming with pride when he saw them after. Maybe he can start coming along as my assistant.

ps I got some feather extensions.. see them on the right? I love them, why did I wait forever!

peas in a pod

2011-08-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

bff's right there.

cranky toddler day

2011-08-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

When your cranky toddler screams like hes being tortured in his bed for an hour instead of napping what do you do?

We do puzzles and eat cookies fresh out of the oven :)

"ryan, show me your happy face"

It turned both our days right around.

20 weeks

2011-08-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

Its HUMP week. That means we are half way baby. I cant believe in 20 short weeks this little jelly bean will be fully cooked and mine all mine forever. I am praying fervently that the last half will go just as fast as the first. Between now and due date we are

moving from an apartment to a rental house- yahoo for more bedrooms, there is no way with ryans *awesome sleeping habits I can do a shared nursery, none of us would ever sleep again

hub's family coming to town for the baby blessing of my newest niece Kailer, I cant wait to meet her.

massive family trip to Hawaii (happy 28 weeks to me) have I mentioned this trip is GROWN UPS ONLY and for 7 days.

Halloween- matching (themed) family costumes this year, you just wait and see

And then those little things like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Time is going to fly.

Okay back to jelly bean. We have 3 names picked out and still not sure on what its going to be yet! I might put myself out there and put up a poll or something but it will probably come down to seeing his sweet face in person to make the final call.

the stats

week: 20, 139 days to go
weight gain- 13 lbs. all in the girls and my booty
cravings- slushies, otis spunkmeyer cookies, peanut butter with apples, and Kix
baby's heart rate- 142

facts- sciatic nerve going nuts and killing me. I about die when I stand up and walk around.I am going to the chiro 3 times a week.
sleeping like POO, I am so tired all the time but am wide awake when I hit the pillow.
baby is moving like crazy cakes. he hurts me sometimes
heart burn from drinking water. whats the wives tale about lots of hair? hoping thats true.
like I mentioned most weight is going to my butt, I am happy to say that I can actually fill out my pants.
I am to the point where I cant rock Ryan anymore, it makes both of us so sad but at least he still has daddy. I am scared for the day where I cant pick him up!
At the ultrasound today everything looked AMAZING. He is cute for a scrawny little thing. I did have to tinkle THREE times while we were there if that says anything about how I spend my days lately.

county fair round 2

2011-08-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

I did the fair with just Ryan and it was a LOT of work. I was happy to go back for round 2 with hubs. Here are some awesomely candid and sort of embarrassing photos from that day.

No making fun of me. I am pregnant and there was cotton candy, I attacked that bag.

Ryan FLIPPING out, he wanted to go on the rides so bad so we forked over half his college savings to buy a few passes. He was terrified when the moment actually came and wouldnt ride one of the horses so hubs was stuck with him on the bench.

Yes, pure terror. I couldnt feel too bad though because he wasnt alone. The hard part came during the next ride.

He wanted to ride the car so so bad, tantrum style because I wasnt going to let him. So sure enough he was terrified the whole time and I was fighting back tears watching my baby have an internal panic attack. Ryan hates new things, he is scared of change, he doesnt do well with uncertainty. Its my job to teach him how to get through life's ups and downs. Somehow this was a step in the right direction.

Then something cool happened. After his first go at the car ride he didnt want to get out and asked to ride again. Since this was the only ride he seemed to tolerate and we had a bunch of tickets we let him. I was surprised because I didnt see a single smile the whole first time but the second.. oh he loved it.

The most recent family photo. Its rare that we are all together and then there is someone to take a picture of it. Hello large baby bump.

county fair round 1

2011-08-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

Decided to try the county fair on its opening day this year. It was just Monkey and I and we are excited to go back on Monday with Daddy. We saw Yia Yia at her Miche Bag booth and she got to come check out the animals with us.

We also at our way through it was goooood.

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should have been a twin

2011-08-03T21:13:00.001-07:00

When I first got a positive pregnancy test with Monkey, hubs and I both thought that maybe it could be twins. At 8 weeks I had an ultrasound and the first thing I asked the tech was "how many are in there?" well you all know there was just one little crazy monkey but 2 years later I still wish he was a twin. We even had 2 boy names picked out it would have been great. The unused name is on the docket for jelly bean ;)

I know it would be hard for the obvious twin reasons, 2 babies and ONE mama. Both infants crying at the same time, both poopy or hungry at the same time. 2 kids to juggle out in public and so on. He was hard enough that I feel like I could have handled it. Plus I had more than enough milk to go around I could have happily nursed 2 babies.

He is just not happy alone, ever. He doesnt read alone, play alone, color alone, or anything. He is never in a room alone for more than a minute til he has to come find me. If he has a friend over or I am watching baby J he is totally fine! It is exhausting him needing me to be touching him at all times and completely involved in whatever he is doing or him "helping" me with whatever. I wish he just had a buddy his age to play with and to keep him company. I know that at 2 they wouldnt really play TOGETHER but just having someone else in the house would change up our mix a bit.

I think he would have slept better as an infant. I would have kept them in the same bed as long as possible, he always loved someone to cuddle with. As he got older he could have a sibling to stare at from the bumbo seat and to roll around on the floor with.

I am so excited that we are having another boy. It will be a while before they can really enjoy each others company but I think Jelly Bean will like watching Ryan run around and play and he is going to love having someone to show his toys too (but that wont take them away for a while) I could NEVER imagine having only one child. It would be so lonely for them growing up! I am ready for this baby to get here and I hope to have lots more after him!

I know its not good to dwell on "what isnt" but its been on my mind forever and just wanted to get it out. I know moms of twins are probably rolling their eyes right now but be nice. I know my kid and I know it would have been good. But I also believe in God and know that He knows what He is doing when He sends babies to this house and its the way it is supposed to be.